Why You Should Never Shrink Yourself For Love

By February 26, 2019 Love & Relationships

Dear Goddess,

You do not serve you, your man or the world by shrinking yourself for Love.

Woman, I know you have been hearing for a lifetime that you’re too much …

… too deep, too needy, too smart, too loud, too opinionated, too demanding …

… too happy, too sad, too large, too emotional, too expressive, too loving … too whatever.

So you learned to dim yourself down in countless ways. You learned to not show up …

Second guess and shrink yourself. Watch yourself disappear as you wouldn’t speak up to the fullest expression of YOU as a woman …

And even when you tried, you still felt like no one could truly “see” you!

Which only then makes you feel like you are not valuable and somehow not enough.

It’s painful and tragic. And it feels like you can never win.

But here’s the secret …

You must break the cycle …

You do not serve YOURSELF or get a man to love you deeper by shrinking yourself to fit inside his limited capacity to love you.

You do not bring him closer anyway when you are mentally focused on LACK.

Besides the truth is you cannot scare off any man – or human – who is genuinely ready to learn how to love all of you.

You’re perfect. JUST as you are.

And you must learn to trust this if want to truly explore who you are and accept yourself.

No one else will accept you unless you teach them too.

Because like I said in my last blog email – we are always teaching others how to treat us by how we show up ourselves.

So yes … you are perfect just as you are.

But that doesn’t mean that you still don’t have inner work to do.

You just like all men and women are raised by society.

So that means we all have “programming” where we are unskillful and trained to act from fear instead of responding through self trust and awareness.

It’s by default that people when they get into a relationship that that fall into old, false, self-limiting beliefs that push love and connection away.

But never forget that you’re here to express the FULLNESS of you dear woman, full spectrum.

You are a multi dimensional soul and it’s time you learn to trust who you are at your core – moment by moment from your agony to your ecstasy.

If you’re truly too much for someone then you do not serve that someone by shrinking yourself just to keep them close.

You will know it’s time to move on if a ANY human constantly resists you, puts you into a box or tries to shrink you into something they can “understand and manage” … because are NOT meant to be loved but understood.

Because the truth is that kind of person that cannot accept YOU as you are – can not truly accept THEMSELVES as they are.

And they will keep running away from you because they cannot face their SELF.

Anyway, why would you want to be with someone who keeps showing you they aren’t at least willing to learn how to love you – for you?

You aren’t here to just be a “good girl” who’s easy to put up with.

A man truly worthy of your trust, surrender and heart is one who’s willing to show up through conscious self love and fight whatever dragons arise inside him that disconnect him from his heart and prevent him from offering his love to you!

Look, none of us have been taught how to love. We been taught crap in school when it comes to real love and life.

In fact, we’ve been taught the opposite!

We’ve been taught that logic and reason should take priority over our emotions and feelings which most of society views as just “annoying obstacles to progress and productivity” which may be why you feel people overlook and misunderstand you – especially men stuck in their head.

However your willingness, your courage, your gift to offer all of you, even the uncomfortable parts, that is our invitation to get you MAN out of his head and into his heart with you.

Of a dude is defiant toward seeing and hearing you as you are – please don’t suffer yourself until he figure it out.

If he is fully committed to resisting the fullness of you, let him resist and let him go.

Focus on SELF LOVE.

Letting him go just might be the wakeup call you both need to figure out you here to learn how to TRULY love, anyway!

Besides if he’s a genuine guy and ready to love you, he’ll be willing to love and nurture his passion and fire and fight those demons that guard the gates to his heart.

For that’s the only way he can ever appreciate, recognize, nurture or claim the massive treasure hidden inside yours.

But you must wake up dear Goddess and claim your own inner fire. It’s time for you to stop holding yourself back …


The ENTIRE WORLD truly needs you be awake, empathetic, alive, shining and lit up in TOTAL fullness of you.

Please stop shrinking yourself just to get love, because that is not the way.

I know that as you are sitting here reading this you know and can feel a deep burning in your heart that there’s SO much more than this …

Than the “small love” you’ve been going through.

And I know in my heart sister that you didn’t come here to play small in love.

You didn’t come here to enable others to play small in love, either.

You dear WILD WOMAN are the reason the planet is waking up.

The divine waking up inside us all.

I know it can be scary, especially when we are finding our own “inner light” and people are afraid of it.

Men are afraid of you. Which totally sucks. I get it.

Reminds me of a poem I wrote this past summer that I would like to share with you because this subject is close to my heart.

For a long time I have frightened men with this fierce feminine power inside me that I had no idea how to wield …

So I want you to know that you are not just “okay” as your are … you are fucking EXTRAORDINARY

When you ARE JUST PURELY YOU. You are PURE fire when you are really YOU.

PURE Soul. Pure Fire.

Fucking extraordinary.

And it’s time for you to just fucking light up the world.

Stop holding yourself back.  And love yourself anyway 🔥🌕⚡️

(I love you!)

So like I said, I had to give this poem to you today.

I wrote it after a twin flame broke my heart by telling me I was just “too much love and too much fire” for him.

What’s crazy is that he came back months later after I let him go, solely focusing on me, my dharma work and all the things I love.

In the end he told me that he left because he felt unworthy and that “my wise old being and crazy wild heart scared the shit out of him.”

He then said once he processed life without me that I am unlike any woman he has ever met (which i know he has his options after witnessing several successful women chasing him constantly)…

Haha .. but the truth is girl, no matter what …

When you are true to YOU, the right one finds you and won’t let you go!

Here’s something that will help make that happen 🙂

Enjoy the poem and enjoy your day love, I’ll connect back soon.


Crystal Aryana

“She’s the fire that you fear …

Don’t try to make sense of her.

Whatever you do, don’t reduce her to nothing more than a series of coincidences you can liquefy into meaningless qualities, so that you don’t feel guilty about letting her slip through your fingers.

No matter how many times you tell yourself that what you feel is a pull that isn’t worth giving into, she will still be there—the pulse within your skin, the breath on your neck and the hardness that you wake to each morning, with no chance of fulfilling it in the way that you crave to.

She’s magnetic and charming—all while drowning you in the sweet epiphany that they were right all along: women like her do exist.

But women like her are born to scare the hell out of men. They live their days to challenge—to make it just difficult enough to reach them, so only those who are truly worthy will get to enter their precious gates.

They were not born to be f*ckin’ easy, but instead to be that storm that you find yourself surrounded in – rains crashing through the burnt dry ground of the mundane, the rumbling thunder silencing everything but the sound of your name upon her moist lips, and the lightning that scorches what would have been a perfectly safe life.

The reality is, she’s the taste of summer upon your winter lips.

She’s the fullness of an expectant mother and the blooming desire that brings roses to gardens full of thorns. She’s fire, with just a little bit of ice – a woman who dreams in color, yet cries in black and white.

It’d be easy to pretend she was like everyone else (or at least like every woman you’ve ever had), because if that was actually the case, then you’d never have to do anything different from what you’ve always done.

You’d never be challenged or pushed to see that just maybe something else exists beyond what you thought was possible.

Yet, like the winds of change blowing blustery on a brilliant November afternoon – she’s still there.

Her memory, whispering hard against your subconscious, reminds you how soft she is, and how something about her just melts into you, making you give a little, so you melt too.

Because how do you forget about a woman who you can’t even begin to describe?

She speaks softly, knowing that she doesn’t want be heard only when she’s roaring in declaration of her latest passionate pursuit. Perhaps it’s when she speaks most closely to her heart that she whispers—knowing it’s words that not all are meant to hear.

Yet, perhaps you’re not scared at all.

Maybe you just think what you’re seeing isn’t really there – that possibly, your heart and mind have conspired against you to create a woman who doesn’t truly exist.

But the thing is, my dear sweet man- trust me when I say, she does.

She won’t be perfect, yet within those chaotic scribblings, beauty will still be found.

Somewhere between her crazy quirks and clumsy nature, you’ll fall in love- not with the painted image she projects to the world, but with the flawed rambling woman who she actually is.

A life that she has cultivated in privacy. She revels in not having everyone be privy to her secrets, even if at times, it looks as if she is an open book.

She may be fire, but sometimes it seems as if you are the one holding the match.

But none of that makes a difference, because this woman is one who holds the indescribable colors of a transparent universe within her succulent thighs. She moves with the power of a goddess and wishes to spread love wherever her bare feet travel in this life.

She is moonbeams, with just a dash of whiskey.

The reality is that if she is a fire you fear, then it’s because you don’t truly see her.

If you’re still scared of who she is, and what she could represent, then perhaps you aren’t the man for her at all.

Because the only thing that a man who truly sees her would notice within her emerald-flecked eyes, is love.

The anarchy and storms, the contradictions and fears, the worry and doubt – it would all dissolve against a darkened sky under a resolve that only those who can stand the chaos are worth her magic.

She is a woman on fire. She is a woman whose passions spread like wings upon her luminescent skin—a woman who smells like freedom and tastes like your childhood.

So don’t be scared, don’t brush her off this time, and stop pretending that anything about her is too much for you.

You know she’s just enough – and she always has been.

She’s melancholy on a rainy morning, twisted bed-sheets and raindrops against the leaded windowpane.

She’s memories and ambitions wrapped up together, the twizzle of surrender within your bare naked soul – but more than that, she’s your heart.

And it doesn’t matter if you can explain her – nor does it matter if you can visualize how life with her would work- because the only thing that does matter is if you’re willing to give it enough time to develop into what could be.

Because sometimes, the best-laid plans end up disappointing us in their somber and bitter reality – while at other times, it’s those things we jump into -feet first, with our eyes closed – that end up becoming the very thing we needed all along.

So, while she may be fire -deep down you know that you’d never be burned by her flames, because (and perhaps the secret is) you burn just as hot.

And maybe – just maybe -that is what you’ve needed to realize all along.”

Crystal Aryana

About Crystal Aryana

Hi, my name is Crystal. Since an early age, I've felt a strange connection to the Universe, so I spent my entire life seeking out mentors and teachers to help me harness my gift. Since then, I've been reading tarot cards, channeling messages and healing bodies around the world. Thank you for visiting my website and I hope to join you along your journey <3


  • RS says:

    Omg you nail it every time sister! Amazing ❤

  • Stacie Agidius says:


    First off you have an enormous talent for writing. I absolutely love your gift for poetry writing.

    Second I became acquainted with you through a numerology sight. When you write to your clients you make it seem very personable. I’m sure you write to hundreds maybe thousands of clients. Yet you make each person feel like they have your full attention. Also, like they’re one of your very good friends.
    I just wanted to Thank you for being apart of my life at this time, It’s been a true gift. I never miss one of your posts sent to my email. You also have a wonderful sence of humor, so much like mine.

    Your Friend & Client
    Stacie Agidius
    A.K.A. Joe Momma (just kidding)

  • Eva says:

    Thank you, Crystal!
    This is exactly what I needed today! Thank you for all your words, wisdom, giving my strength and mojo back.
    With Love,
    The Girl On Fire

  • Marlene says:

    Taking your advise. Although I will miss my friend of three years. I will pray and hope for the best

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.