Good Evening or Morning lovely soul…
I wrote this message a couple years ago but I feel it’s more potent and alive than ever, in a way…
I also added some extra depth to it around healing the Mother wound as this coherence and awareness within is the greatest force inside you (Eros energy) that could ever possibly exist for you to “create” anything from…
So here’s a reflection today of what happens when we stop “leaving” ourselves…
When we stop abandoning our own nervous system, our own truth just as it is and our own being and body.
I hope it resonates for you and even maybe helps open up something new for you, too…
We all know it’s a time of finding a new way forward from here as you come back home to YOU and as your divine path opens up more for you…
Because if you knew good things were coming to you, you more than likely wouldn’t struggle or grasp or push so hard or hold onto anything that isn’t exactly right or even resist (feeling) or facing the TRUTH on anything…
Even when we’re at fault, make mistakes, collapse, judge, pain, shame or “look down on” ourselves we can also still leave some space knowing these moments are ALSO magical “portal” passages to our own lost treasures within…
They are also the keys to our own deepest fulfillment and INNER Power…
That is, when we stop chasing the external, labeling, identifying, making meanings, bypassing, denying, fixing, canceling, “ridding”, etc.
When we no longer try to make the past, the experience (as the potent charge, it IS) or even the present moment, JUST as it is, wrong.
When you or I exist WITH what is…
We are able to open up our entire world.
We open up the healing portal and “passage” leading us back home…
Where Intelligent information is then available…
The “present” is able to be fully opened and seen when dropping out of the mind owning every “part” in our body…
Even the pain, even the trauma, even the “shadow” is meant to be made art from, within our being and body…
This is the Mystery and it holds incredible untapped creativity, capacity, nuance and power within you.
It is how you stop ‘doing’ life and allow life to “be all of YOU” as you open up your capacity to grow and CREATE new life through you…
I know you can feel this even if these words seem foreign…
And you can trust yourself. Allow the mystery to unfold.
You can trust allowing this new relationship with YOU and let this magic IN a bit deeper…
As you walk through (aka “death” of the old) the fires of your own inner authority… fully birthing new life from ALL of it… from ALL of you.
Choosing you, choosing love, and letting “new life” and love IN.
Maybe this looks like giving yourself permission to self-soothe in your own intimacy and presence as you hold yourself in moments of “mess.”
I know even in the dark, you can stand, having your own back and turn on your light.
Not the fake false positivity.
But the “real work” calling you to look and accept and create from it…
Even remembering and reclaiming what you know at your core and that you’ve spent lifetimes being and doing…
It is time to remember YOU, now…
You have permission to recognize this, even when you’re in the middle of “collapse” as you learn to not make “what is” wrong…
Yet discover what “medicine you really need” to drink and what you need to be with and own as you go deeper into the root of remembering YOU.
Everything in life is how you respond.
Your accountability and sovereignty is where your power lives… of course you’ve probably heard me or others say this…
How you relate to yourself is how you see all of life.
And how all of life sees you.
And your response to all of it holds the keys of your own magic (breaking those spells!!!).
Your energy, attention, and body’s biofield (nervous system) is your sacred bridge, even in the breakdown, the feeling lost, the aloneness and in the trigger — all through your response-ability.
So even what you think makes you weak isn’t necessary to label it.
Perhaps it is just as it is, this portal… this EXACT charge… this initiation… is actually the key to your truest love, union within, happiness, and even ecstasy?
The kind of magnetism that oozes from all these layers as you remember YOU and choose you.
Your right relationship with you!
And I trust you’re seeing it … you no longer need the old ways… the “safe routes,” the crutches of old thinking, soul or family ties not honoring, or even the pleasing trauma bonds keeping you distracted or keeping you relooping the same patterns that are not for your highest good — that aren’t authentic YET at the same time May also help offer you the way home, if you don’t run.
When you face it …
When you pivot and turn within and allow yourself to SEE what you weren’t seeing = you return home.
You can move from “dang I feel entirely alone in this” to “Dang I Am In The Next Level Of My Full Capacity of Being Alone.”
Yes… there is IMMENSE pain, hardship, deaths and rebirths that take place when we break patterns.
You are breaking ancestral patterns of “doing what everyone else before you has done.”
And you can show up in the mess even when it’s messy, knowing there is deep appreciation and love here, too!
You can choose YOU.
You can stand up for yourself even with those you call “family” remembering that anyone who is unhealthy with you, judges you, condemns you, or shames you… and you can deliberately not interact or engage with them.
Even those who say they are helping or trying to support you — if it’s rooted in persecution or “not love” you can trust you don’t need it in your life.
You can trust in your bones what you feel and know and you came here in this lifetime to draw the line and say “no more”… I choose raw love, radical honesty and responsibility.
“I choose to drink my own medicine within.”
You can choose relationships that require reciprocal energy exchange: physically, emotionally, spiritually and energetically.
You can choose what meets you where you are, within yourself when YOU + YOU meets you!
If it… or they… can’t meet you with actual love and integrity, appreciation and respect — you can choose to not meet, at all.
You are allowed to have your boundaries. To trust yourself. To know your voice even if others don’t get it.
This actually reminds me…
As we heal our own Mother wounds we may slowly begin to see that “having our own back and turning on the light within, when it’s dark” is actually a deep invitation from the Great Mother…
Whether we knew this as a reference point from our own blood Mother or not, does not ultimately matter.
This is the “work” also.
The Great Mother is what we initiate and what wants to find you when we have abandoned ourselves in any way!
It’s the real “charge” asking to come through.
And she arrives in the deepest places within our own knowing when we finally allow our own body to receive…
When we allow ourselves to surrender to our own heart and being.
Fully Naked to every shadow within our sphere, our associations, our insides, our life.
Mother energy shows up as the Eros calling us in how to remember, how to nurture ourselves, how to create from our truth, in this lifetime…
Showing us how to step INTO our self-inflicted shadows, our past choices, labels, or those who have hurt or inflicted upon us, not from a place of disempowerment and victim, yet from the place of being free and able to love our own “child and children within.”
Like a child who fell down, we pick “her” or “him” up and hold and nurture (not coddle).
Where we cry when it’s dark and we are scared, we surround it with our devotion and we turn on the light.
I have abandoned myself in various ways and I have abandoned others.
They are the same.
I have stayed in relationships too long.
I have had a hard time saying NO when it pleases another. I have been cheated on. I have not had my voice heard or my being met.
There are times in my life I have undernourished my body. I have overworked my body. I have kept myself running on fumes. I’ve given until I was a bleeding heart… a big leaky container.
I have also abandoned partners and friends through my own chaos. I have cheated. I have turned away.
I’ve bypassed and said “it’s okay” when it’s NOT. I have closed my heart to my true desires.
AND I am still learning how to trust.
I believe we abandon ourselves and others so that we are able to arrive at the doorstep of the Great Mystery…
Back to zero point. The heart field.
Not arriving perfect, unscathed, or with a crown and jewels on so to say…
Yet, being willing, able, and ready in surrender for so much more than we ever knew was possible.
Showing up raw.
Alive and connected, once again.
I am slowly recognizing these days that every shadow of self-abandonment I have ever walked through has brought me to the great humbled spirit of The Mother…
The Mother who has always been within me, even when I never knew her or met her at all. 😭🥳
The Great Mother that lives inside us all and is connected to all “living in the field.”
She’s the one who can only be revealed because I have said YES to choosing myself in the way that pours out (including to others) so organically… so richly.
So in this, I see any teacher in my life as having walked through the fire of shadows and their own self-trust fully engaged (alive) in their own body to be able to really listen, receive, support, heal, share with others in a way that really “moves” and impacts.
I don’t buy any part of any “healer” that comes claiming their capability if I have not felt or heard their own naked arrival to the Great Mother and this crazy mystery.
She is here within you waiting for you to go deep enough so you can restore not only your shadows into gifts but also to hollow you out so you CAN embody the practice and presence of any part of yourself that has been forgotten, fractured, or abandoned.
This is what “clean feminine energy” is… not all tied up in chasing the external, the love, the ring, the “stuff”, the attachment or the approval of others.
I believe the Great Mother is here only as a “way-shower” to allow us to see we are her and she is us.
She IS the field and the field is US.
You are sooo deeply loved.
I love you,