Trippiest Year of My Life So Far

By January 15, 2022 Uncategorized
Crystal in Car

Hello beautiful heart…

It’s been quite the year of 2022 already so far?

Deep hibernation, deep self-inquiry, and honoring the DEATH of what no longer is for you…

Deep mass-dive revelations.

Illusions on the external being met with the fierce sword of our own INNER truth!

Also, our collective field is wringing out the map of emotions and adjusting to the new tides!

For some, this might look like finally surrendering…

Or perhaps allowing needed Lifepath disruptions, detours, honoring death, or maybe just lots of resting and hibernating.

For others, imagine your deepest fear. Now get ready, because it’s coming for you!

You asked for truth and deeper love, and so, the delusions of duality are coming for you…

Take out your truth sword.

Repatterning and healing your nervous system is where it’s at right now…

It’s also been the darkest week of my life so far (with what my daughter and I are going through) yet at the same time miracles are happening and it’s like the (lowest timelines) and shadow is being rebalanced by light FASTER than I have ever experienced.

I am sharing a LOT more here about this in my new Energy Update video I just made for you over on the blog…

Truth bombs galore on this one!

This message today is for those who can see the insanity in the “new normal” happening in our world…

Like I posted on the fly the other day, Life is asking us to be very strong at this moment…

And sometimes it is REALLY hard and feels really, really bad and that is OKAY.

For me, it feels like 2022 is hitting me deeper than all of 2021 combined…|

14 or 15 days of 2022 so far?

I tell you what, this year 2022 has been trippier than all of 2021 combined.

I feel anything that we are trying to gain or lean on for resiliency, strength, love, or truth from outside of us is just crumbling, rather immediately blowing apart!

If there’s anything we are clinging to or wrapping our identity around, it is collapsing to show us how to move deeper into our own love and truth…

Any areas where we have allowed oppression, control, or manipulation to take over our lives are being renegotiated, meaning new structures, new agreements, and yes real boundaries in our lives!

Anything we have been getting support or strength from the outside is immediately crumbling…

Meaning anything we are getting our bones/structure, strength, or support that is coming from outside of us (mental field/the ego) is blowing up fast right in front of us…

This could be an old routine that used to give us a sense of strength… practice or daily workout…

A certain position in life or with others … titles and roles (like ie being the best mother, teacher, marketer, skier, or tai chi guy)…

Perhaps it’s a relationship you’ve leaned on for strength from the “outside” of you.

A church or organization you’ve been part of all your life .. a role you have always played that kept you “playing it safe” …

Anything that you tend to lean on or depend on to feel strong or confident of who you think you are yet are actually crutches…

ALL of it is collapsing abruptly.

See the new video that I shot for you in the middle of the night at 4:15 am.

Make sure you voice and reply with your comment below after you watch this TRUTH BOMB and let me know what is showing up for you afterwards. I want to know!

Video Transcription:

Hello Beautiful,


We gotta just breathe.

Crystal Aryana here.

Yeah it’s in the middle of the night and Bella is sleeping, which is a rarity these days and I’m gonna be a little quiet just so I don’t wake her up.

It has been a little while since I have made a video for you guys, but it really felt like the moment in time.

So I’ve got some truth bombs that are gonna be dropping in this video from what’s going on (in my life)…

What I’m feeling inside of me and things happening (I feel in the collective)…revelations… illusions…

Delusions that I’m meeting on the external that I am meeting from fierce truth within!

And yeah, man, it’s been trippy lately!

I feel like the entire collective right now is just ringing out frozen emotions or what was once frozen.

And it is in the middle of the night. It is 3:37 AM.

I just got outta the shower and I knew that I had to shoot this video.

And, um, yeah, I know the time right now, uh, just to follow up for my last couple of videos over Christmas, talking about endings, right?

The ending of anything that we are attaching ourselves to…or chasing something outside of us, right?

The ending of codependency, the ending of trying to get something outside of us or from someone, right.

And really going within (back home) to our own inner union to our own inner sovereignty.

And so speaking on topics like these, I have a lot that I want to share with you that I’ve been going through.

I know in this topic of honoring death, that for many, this may look like finally surrendering, resting, finally hibernating (disrupting the old).

For some, it might be, think of your deepest fear.

Now get ready because it’s coming for you. You ask for truth, you ask for deeper love. So the delusions of duality are coming for you.

It’s time to take out your truth sword and to stay rooted and to follow through.

I also have been sharing a little bit about, nervous system stuff.

I don’t know. I have a cleansing prayer as well for you that I’m probably gonna share in part two of this video.

I’m already feeling that some body stuff (would be really helpful next for you) and these are topics that I’m gonna start sharing with you guys again, picking back up from over the summer and a lot of other writings that I never got to publish, that I’m gonna be putting out now. So I’m pretty excited about that.

Yeah, repatterning our nervous system is where it’s at right now guys, as we progress and move forward (on our authentic soul path).

And I feel like right now we’re kind of in a weird, uh, lull or resting period.

A resting period before things pick up again.

And, um, I’ve been going through a lot, a lot, a lot.

In fact, it’s been the darkest week of my life this past week for my daughter and I. We are going through the darkest dark..

Yet even though I’m (facing) meeting these lower timelines, these shadows I am trusting and taking the leap, even in the shadow…

And I’m finding that it’s connected to miracles that abound me in being fully taken care of, even when I’m really in a tough place.

And gosh, so much is happening.

I know in the world right now, around us, when it comes to our own slavery versus freedom, slavery and mind control, inverted principles that are confusing the masses deeply…

All the siphoning and harvesting our souls, all that stuff… is very difficult for those coming to these realizations.

And like many right now who can see the insanity in the new normal happening in our world, it’s really hard, much less everything that’s going on in our own family structures (chaos, breaking free toward inner truth, breaking generational curses/spells).


So let’s start here.

I actually posted the other day, that life is asking us to be very strong in this moment.

Sometimes it is really, really hard and it feels really, really bad and that’s okay.

And we gotta know that it’s okay to be in these tough places because when it comes time to go within and love ourselves all the way…like I said in my last post, we might cry for a year at all that we have to let go.. to sacrifice, to lose.

So in this message, I’m allowing myself to be seen as I really am in the middle of the night, messy hair…

(Haha) with all my battle wounds from Isabella (her nails always grow so fast) yet she such a cutie, but, oh man, she just, she just grabs me when she wants me. It’s so cute.

But, uh, this means that I get to be, uh, seen in my ugly, in a way of total embrace.

I’m allowing myself to be seen in the ugly, following the healing portal, the wound, letting it be seen, allowing WHAT IS…the “sacred charge” of what is, just as it is…

Really fierce facing truth, right?

Taking our truth sword out and slicing through the illusions…letting go of so much…

Letting go of my need to appear “all together” or to appear all good, right?

Letting go of my need to always be loving or perfect, which I think, when we’re letting all that crap go, that really is authentic love.

So this means carrying my cross in the arena and not throwing stones at myself from wherever I’m at … also not throwing stones at others.

Those who have the courage (heart; true strength) to be seen just as they are.

So yeah, is this video about?

Intense realizations..all kinds of stuff that I’ll be bringing up from sovereignty.. to accountability.

Topics that I’ve picked up on and talked the past six months or more. Yet going a bit deeper, deeper truth bombs.

I feel like the year of 2022, the last 11 days, 12 days (however long it’s been) it’ll be 13 days probably before you see this video, has been Trippier than all of 2021 combined for me.

I feel that anything that we are trying to gain or lean on, like resiliency, strength, love of, or truth from the outside of us is just immediately blowing the “F” apart.

And I think this year is only gonna get trippier here for a lot of us.

And it’s all pointing back to self sourcing. Sourcing back to our own inner authority, to trusting our own eyeballs.. right.

Knowing our own nervous system and knowing what is truth from within.

Grounding, solar light…God LIVING light back into our body, tangibly, into our somatic.

A lot about re patterning our nervous system (in part 2 my next video). Get into that probably in a littlebit.

I also feel so much releasing is happening, right?

Literally ringing out the map of emotions, all of this buildup, all of what has been gaslighted, bypassed and denied, all of this e-motion (energy) is flooding the field right now.

And if there’s anything that we are clinging to, that we are trying to wrap our identity around right now, it’s collapsing faster than ever, right in front of us.

Any areas that we’ve allowed oppression, control or manipulation to take over our lives, we are renegotiating these new structures, these new agreements, these new boundaries in our life, pretty radically…

This also meaning anywhere that we’re getting our strength from..our “bones” our structure, our support, that’s coming from the outside of us, right.

So really it’s coming from ‘here’ (mind). It’s coming from our mental field, from our ego and it’s blowing up right in front of us faster than ever, you know, pretty trippy.

And what could this look like? This could look like an old routine that we used to rely on that gave us strength, a practice, maybe a daily exercise or workout routine…

Um, it could be relying on a certain role that we have, you know, being the best mother, being the best team, the best marketer, the best skier, the best Tai Chi person, right?

It could look like relying on a relationship or the opposite sex, you know, family, uh, church organization that we’ve been with for years and years, right?

Something that’s always been a part of our life, maybe a role we’ve played that has kept us safe. Or having certain positions or titles, anything that we tend to lean on or depend on to feel strong or confident in who we think we are, you know, the external things that are actually crutches.

All of this is collapsing abruptly because I feel like God is asking us to really begin embodying the walking God force that we really are.

And when we’re in the mental field only…when we’re not “living” in the somatic, in the nervous system and the body, we’re only allowing little tiny bits of God, source, Mother/Father energy in when it’s “convenient” right?

Only when it suits our ego, when we feel like it, when it’s convenient…

And now we’re being asked (almost no choice) to really go deeper into our rootedness, into our own truth, into really living it, embodying it.

Meaning, completely restructure, completely disidentify with who we thought we were in order to surrender.

Really we’re talking about sovereignty and removing all that’s in our divine path, right?

“Where I am blocking myself, to myself.”

Cause it’s not about “them.” It’s not about “out there.”

It’s really a total pivot in our own INNER UNION and our own sovereignty. Right? Which is a lot of what this video I’m sharing with you is about.

Yeah, removing all the things that are in the way of our own Divine path…to open up to who we really are and why we are here.

To remember in this lifetime and this body.

So that way we CAN restructure our lives and get out of our own way, so that we can collaborate with soul family, our deeper (authentic purpose) mission and why we are here.

So that we can create, start that biz, buy that land and break these curses right? Break, these spells!

Reject the, um, degeneracy that we’re seeing happen in the world right now. And walk closer with God, Mother/Father God (really both, as they anoint each other. So when I say God, I mean both right? I mean the triune).

But yeah, overall heart desires being realized more in the field.

(Remembering) and honoring our real journey and why we’re really here. So we can be free; sovereign (and CREATE).

And this year is like a lot about learning how to go with the flow…to not have these old structures anymore.

In other lands, I also feel like I gotta share this real quick.

I know I’ve been saying a lot of this since, uh, middle of October. No—I think it was like the beginning of November when I started writing again. Um, since my short break over the summer, well, short break, it was more like two and a half months…

But anyway I feel like something big is right around the corner.

We’re kind of in a restful period, reflective period.

It’s a really good time to disrupt the old and honor this little death or big death, whatever we’re in.

I can’t really speak to it yet because it feels so unknown…

Yet what I can say is the time is now to do that thing that we feel called to do, you know, that thing that we’ve done many lifetimes before and to really trust, um, it’s time to be focused.

This is what I can say….

It’s time to be focused and disciplined about the energy that you want to hold from here.

From this time forward, no matter what circumstances you may find yourself in!

Because what I can feel in my bones and my blood and my soul is that your personal agency, your sovereignty, your commitment to living a life that is truly you, that is truly authentically you, MATTERS more than you know.

Your commitment to being true to YOU.

I mean living this integrity to your own relationship with you, should not be knocked off the rails by other people’s decisions, by other people’s perceptions of you or by external events that you didn’t see coming in your own life or in the bigger picture world stage.

And I’m feeling that whatever this unknown “big” stuff is that’s coming around the corner, um, that we will have to stay rooted more than ever.

We have to stay true and follow through no matter what external breakdowns show up because the world stage has been set in a lot of ways, you know, and our strength is needed more than ever, especially in crazy places right now. Um, like Australia, parts of Europe…

Just what’s happening around the world right now.

We need to be more in our physical body and regulating (self; nervous system) more than ever…

Watching (observing) the events to unfold, yet, not getting dragged into it. Keeping our own frequency, you know, tip top as much as we can.

And I don’t mean not allowing to be in the low I mean allowing and keeping and receiving the love in your heart and turning the light on in the dark.

The world is gonna need you to shine your light and for you to find your way out of the dark, to know the courage that you really came here to be and do, no matter what.

And some here, you know, you may not have an idea of what I’m talking about, but I know many of you will absolutely understand what I mean.

And I know many are feeling very lost, very alone…

There’s been so many shifts the past couple years. Um, I keep hearing and seeing people don’t have the friends that they thought that they would right now or those who have had so much has changed in only a year or two.

Like no one’s calling like they used to or family who are no longer connecting like they used to…there’s been so much separation and division.

Not many seem like “themselves” as they’re going through the trauma that is surfacing or family chaos that they’re going through.

And I know a lot are worried because they don’t know what’s gonna happen next. I’ve had a lot of people come to me lately for advice. And besides what I’m just saying here with you right now, I gotta say that I’m just confused as anyone else!

And I know many are inherently thinking that they need to surround themselves with more like minds… with more soul family.

I know many are choosing…preferring authenticity because so many of us in the world…it seems like we’ve forgotten what real interaction, real soul authenticity is like. And that’s what the world is so hungry for. Is just being real.

So yeah. So I have a few, uh, truths that I wanna explore with you.

And I feel like being up in the middle of the night and just totally speaking from my heart, like we’re in a room together with my stuttering and…and whatever else comes out.

And this video just as it is, is really, um, is really the gift. It’s really the heart. It’s really the being in the mess and honoring it (the charge or what IS just as it is)

Following the trigger, the charge, what is the truth and allowing it to fully be seen, allowing the wound to fully be seen, it’s all the same stuff, really just showing up as I am.

So you’ll be seeing more of me, like I’ve already told you in this space, um, and real quick I want to say for those who are following up with me a lot on voicing (wanting to voice out their mission or truths or stories to our community…)

I know I said a couple weeks ago that I’m gonna be opening up our community.

My email list to you, you know, of 400,000 people who are really wanting to hear raw authenticity, that is not (fake) censored, you know, unlike places like Facebook.

So I’m gonna be rolling out some stuff on this in the next couple weeks. And, I’ve picked so far six people that I’m gonna start doing some zoom calls with, because I feel like they have important messages to share.

And I can’t wait to share more with you as it comes out!

But getting back to the last week, man, it’s um, it’s been hard for me…

Yet I feel like the darkest stuff is also connected to miracles that are just right around the corner (a rebalancing of light that is fast). So that is amazing.

Yet on the difficult stuff, I have some truth bombs to share around sovereignty and narcissism coming to the light …and the topic of gas lighting… of being a victim, right? Our own inner denial.

And in the heart of taking the steps that I’ve been taking since November, if you’ve been following my journey and things that I’m going on, uh, things that are going on with my own family, my own daughter.

If you have been reading my updates since November, then you know what I’m talking about, but this is all around becoming fully sovereign, right?

Disrupting our own co-dependancy patterns, right?

Death to our own trauma loops, because like I said before, when it really comes time to start loving yourself, you know, there might be a lot that comes up in order to let go as you begin showing up for yourself, integrating the lost pieces of you into present time, owning your boundaries.

Boundaries meaning who you are, what values define you, you know, that pivot of sovereignty, not asking why is this happening or why does that person keep doing this to me?

You know, more like going within, “why do I keep allowing it?”

What I mean by boundaries, boundaries that are honoring your authentic self boundaries that are honoring your values.

I don’t mean brick walls that are protecting or serving to hide you away or keep you in a safety net, which is really “fear in your mental field”

Versus being in your body and creating in presence.

Right? So a shift in our pivot of just going within, um, around this topic of honoring death and ending codependency, right? Disrupting old cycles, restructuring.

Reminds me of the topic sovereignty…of accountability, and knowing your own truth within; knowing your own eyeballs, right?

Not seeing your world through someone else’s eyes, not seeing your truth through someone else’s heart and eyeballs, right?

Knowing your own clear truth within and owning it without needing to convince it.

And for many, I know that we are learning, um, you are learning.

Maybe you’re learning how to listen, how to see yourself through your own eyes again. And I get many who are no longer attaching themselves to the outside, no longer feeding those who are committed to misunderstanding you.

And since this also is a repeating topic too, I’ll bring it up. It’s not about canceling others.

You know, we can cut people off all day long, but unless we’re doing the deeper work inside ourselves, under standing the dynamic between myself and this person or whatever, the same lesson is just gonna continually appear. Right?

And the reason I say this is because so many are leaving something major or someone behind right now and moving to a different stage of life.

They’re growing, they’re changing.

So the gift is really (observing and focusing within) it’s where we wake up and we inquire, where we SELF inquire curiously within, right?

With curious eyeballs (GOING WITHIN) instead of canceling, you know, what we don’t wanna see in the other (ultimately in ourselves because we are focusing too much on the other…)

Inner denial and spiritually bypassing basically.

And what do I mean by self inquiry? I mean, noticing the parts of ourselves that are thinking about what we’re thinking about, and then noticing that part of you that is noticing.

And continuing to do that, going to the root, right?

Nurturing these lost parts, nurturing these inner children that we find.

Reparenting ourselves that way our, whatever, our narrative, our story isn’t rooted in abandonment or whatever it is…

Observation without pathologizing it without making labels. Owning it without any labels, owning it without prejudice, right?

Following the healing portal, the charge, what is just as it is—this is the real work…because I feel like those who are never wrong, stay powerless, a victim, no accountability…powerlessness.

Each of us, no matter what stuff we’ve been through, we contain the power to our own living circumstances, no matter what.

We can shift our relations to who we relate to, we can move our boundaries and recreate them, right?

Understanding the field that surrounds us as well as our own body.

These are all our sources of power…

Yeah, of course, an unaligned soul or lost soul can create distraction, can deter or deconstruct our focus or direction…

Yet we are all accountable.

We can see that disoriented soul colliding into our path and we have the responsibility to create, to create our boundaries.

It’s our right. It’s our ability as sentiment conscious beings to take responsibility and infuse it into our own life path, no matter what.

No matter what’s going on the external or who’s around us or what you know, relationships we have to RIGHT from within, starting with our relationship with ourself, right?

Our field, our body, our grounding, our nervous system and regulating it, is our power.

Any disconnect with this essence of life, this organic connection to the world around us, is a sign…any disconnect to our own being is a sign of unresolved trauma…of the stuff that we’re denying, right?

That we’re not looking at, that we’re not seeing the “charge just as it is” … that we’re not following back home, the trigger.

We can’t ignore our trauma right, from only being in a mental place with it.

(Trauma) it heals on a body level.

So if we’re staying in victim and we’re, we’re cycling over and over again (ringing) and we’re staying in codependence. It really is a response system because we’re in denial of the deeper emotion.

What I mean by emotion, energy and emotion, energy that is flowing and free to, to be able to recognize what is.

So..taking accountability, where do I want to go with this…well, knowing that our accountability is our power.

I remember saying this since last summer, of course this has nothing to do with labels, or titles are roles…

Accountability has nothing to do with belittling or shaming ourselves for where we’re at or being in the mess, just as we are. Yes, accountability and knowing yourself is different than apologizing for what someone else did to you. Taking on their baggage is totally something different.

And you know, I’m not really speaking to those who were born as a scapegoat or were taught everything was their fault because their family needed someone to blame.

Um, you know, this message isn’t exactly written for you in that way. Um, obviously don’t absorb someone else’s stuff as your own.

I think too many people that are really in their heart field do that too much. as it is. I’m really speaking to adults here who have the freedom to choose. So again, I’m not speaking to a child, right?

A child has no choice. A child needs to be advocated for. A doesn’t need to have a talk about over exercising the victim card, right?

If a child is recurrently expresses something traumatic, a victimized experience, there’s obviously something immensely wrong… in their environment, family school, etc right?

And someone needs to intervene and step in, in order for that child to heal the emotional and physical disturbance that they’re experiencing in themselves or their environment.

So I’m not talking about children. This is an adults only conversation.

This is about real ownership. Being fully honest with ourselves being fully in our body.

Right. Because I feel so many of, so on the very edge…

Oh sorry! I’m am not usually getting calls in the middle of the night, normally doesn’t happen!

(Video break)

Hello love.

Sorry about that interruption. Um, but I trust that it happened for good reason.

I was getting a phone call in the middle of the night, um, which I don’t normally have people call me in the middle of the night and then my baby Bella woke up and I fell asleep with her for a couple hours because it was in the middle of the night that I was shooting, uh, that first part video.

And now it’s, um, almost morning time, but I’m up all night, all the time with that beautiful little baby, so I’m kind of used to it, but, um, I just kind of wanna pick up where I left off and, um, wrap up the message.

I’m definitely gonna be offering you guys, um, some stuff around the body and regulating the nervous system, and this (powerful) cleansing prayer I want to share with you in another video, but I’ll send these two clips together, as one first video.

(So edit the two clips, so that way it’s one video together that you see here.)

(***But yeah, I think right where I was at is accountability and being fully honest with ourselves in our nervous system and body) and not canceling or bypassing our own inner truth because of the “other” or external that we don’t like…)

Because no matter how much we keep ourselves in a bubble, we are all a part of each other, right?

We’re all a part of this collective sludge, no matter how much we keep ourselves in a bubble.

And we, um, if we’re being honest with ourselves, you know, we all have narcissistic qualities.

And we (most of us) all have empathic qualities, right?

What I mean is you are neither an absolute victim or an absolute narcissist, right?

You are human, you are soul. You are all, you know, we are…generations of memories, of genetics, of stories that go beyond our comprehension, right?

We are all different chemistries in our, in our being, in our body, our energy field and this creates different reactions and brings out different versions of ourselves, around others.

Um, especially when it comes to lost parts of ourselves, inner children that we’ve neglected or that we haven’t parented, um, and all forms of trauma.

So owning all parts of ourselves is how we stay walking in living God force energy, right?

Where we’re fully awake in our heart (and physical; tangible) to create…

To the creators that we are. And yet, those who never take accountability or who frame themselves as the victim in different situations or in every life story are not able to create.

And this is what is very scary to me as the world is more of a stage, than ever!

Sovereign inner truth is what’s needed more than ever.

The places that we own from within…where we are able to see from our own truth! And fully live it, embody it from within where we can no longer be gaslighted, where we can no longer be abused, where we no longer engage in what is controlling or oppressing us, right?

Or fooling us …mind controlling us.

Where we’re no longer operating in this energy or spirit of deceit…dressed up as a victim, looking for the next person to play the role of our abuser or whatever.

And of course, I’m not saying this for every situation, someone who’s being held at gunpoint.

Like I was saying in my other video, before it cut off, physical violence is a different situation, unless we keep going back to it, then it’s the same.

And so really, this is a conversation around being sovereign and what we really need (drinking truth medicine within) to face within ourselves when it comes to facing our own inner denial.

And this is what I’m going so deeply within, in myself lately, uh, with my own recurring patterns…with owning all of my stuff (and making room for miracles and Union within).

Also like I was saying in the last video, this is why I’m more than ever being aware of who, who I’m around and what energy I’m engaging with, like a contract, like an energy contract, you know, what, what I’m opening myself up to.

And it’s why I’m politely and silently creeping out of dynamics like this more than, than ever the moment that I recognize this energy, right?

Whether the energy is inside of me or them, or both…

To be able to discern what is manipulative, what is siphoning? What is just looking for a target, right?

Who are the people that are guaranteed to continue to misunderstand you?

Even when you’re being more clear and more articulate and more rooted in your being, in your truth than ever yet, there’s still twisting and deflecting and saying that you’re implying something else that you’re not saying, even when you’ve really retold it, you’re almost like repeating yourself over and over, right?

It really is: Why am I allowing this? Why am I doing this to myself?

Because it is really important to study these thought processes, the self inquiry of ourselves, as well as of course study the thought processes of anyone who repeatedly wants to engage with you, where you find yourself in the same situations.

To be aware of whether we’re fooling ourselves, you know…

Am I leaving out important facts, my storyline to manipulate myself or to manipulate another, to make themselves appear more favorable? (Rooting our pathologies from within heart space; neutral witnessing…)

Um, you know, am I, what am I creating?

What am I building? Is it healing? Is it necessary?

And look at the past history, you know, do I have a record of building things in this way or collapsing in this way?

You know, do they have a record of collapsing people or things everywhere they go?

It’s really about being honest, because it’s not just about “them”… again, it’s about you.

(It’s about me…) It’s about ourselves. And either way, it’s all about going within.

That (pivots) …that shift.

“Not why are they doing it, but why am I allowing it?”

And it reminds me of a truth bomb that I wanna share with you around gaslighting lately. Because I’ve been in it; facing deep illusions on the outside with fierce truth.

Checking in with myself on my own denial, checking my own pathologies from within cuz here’s the thing.

If someone is gaslighting you it’s because you are gaslighting yourself at some level AND if someone is gaslighting their partner, it’s because they are gaslighting themselves at some level as well, right?

The gaslighter is also gaslighting themselves.

And the one who’s being gaslight is also gaslighting themselves to some extent.

So let’s look at this. Every gaslighting attempt comes from an unresolved denial within our mind, first and then our body aka “lived experience.”

And we gaslight when we don’t wanna be honest with ourselves about certain truths …about where we’re being, codependent…

Where we’re deriving love, truth, resiliency from outside of ourselves…strength from outside of ourselves.

Where we’re not being honest with ourselves about the destructive habits that we have, that are in themselves a trail of breadcrumbs leading to hidden pain, right? Leading to the pain that we hid a long time ago maybe.

And this is where deep inner child work comes in, bringing lost parts into the present, right.

And even having like a skilled person or mentor or somatic therapist to can help us see the shadows more clearly than we, we can see…

Cause what is this all around? It’s it’s it’s seeing, seeing the dark with new eyeballs and being able to sit in it, right? Just like frozen emotions, just like heightened sensitivity or heightened sensation…

Being able to be in heightened sensation and physically, tangibly, stay present in our bodies and know that we are safe, not know here (pointing in our head) but really know with our entire body right; Body attunement.

And this really is about following the healing portal, following the triggers back HOME into ourselves, which is really going beyond shaming. Right?

So we are going beyond shaming paradigms to consider new insights, new ways…new ways and pathways for healing and for excavating our lost treasures within..

Like looking to your wounds, uh…it’s the same thing as not looking at your wounds to try to get something, or fix something or to just get through something or get rid of something… or aka even to have the end goal of healing.

But to look at our wounds for a source of intelligence in revealing light and revealing our gifts in a whole different way, a whole different pivot of looking at it, looking at our body, our somatic, our nervous system—not to reveal traumas and sufferings, but to reveal our soul authenticity, right? The REAL allies inside of us, the inner portal of discovering our own dang truth?

Looking at the earth even, as not something that grounds you, not something that’s looking to regulate you like a substance or a drug that we’re chasing or taking, but looking at the earth (the dark matter) as a way to illuminate our path and show us how to dance in the dark, how to walk with it, how to sing even in the dark, how to receive, even after we’ve been shut down and we’ve closed…

Even looking at death from a different place. And I know the entire world is in a completely different place with death and fearing death, uh, especially the last couple years and what’s going on in the world stage, but looking at death as the possibility to make room for NEW life versus just an ending, right, allowing death to rebirth, to reveal your deepest natures, to reveal your own soul to you.

So, you know, it kind of reminds me of a lot of what I see happening in the field right now is a lot of people need to be witnessed in their trauma in order to heal.

And some need to just really deeply not tell anyone else about their stuff and fully go within.

Some are feeling like they need to speak their truth to others and others are feeling traumatized by others speaking their truth <laugh> and all in all, it’s not about one or the other.

It’s all about (sovereignty) us owning what we need in order to heal.

No one else can tell us what we need to heal. It’s all about our own inner union, our own divine path and where we are ourselves from our own union.

It’s all about sovereignty and owning it. Um, I feel like sometimes when people need to express, I’m not talking about purging or puking on another person, but sometimes people who are really in terrible circumstances with others, they are naturally getting upset or naturally getting angry at what is happening to them.

That this “getting angry or sad” is actually a healthy response to someone who’s abusing you or, or, or the recurring trauma, et cetera.

So what I’m saying is that whatever process we need to go through to fully own every part of it, because there is so much potential, there is so much magic on the other side and I don’t think it’s ever about “the other” (yet it is up to YOU what you need to remember your own wholeness.)

For me, I know mastery in my own work requires me to lose all attachments to making other people’s behavior mean something about me or something that causes me pain.

Even if it feels really, really bad to really get it … that I can’t help other people with their own inner work until I am willing to own all of my own inner work, every moment.

And I know that we all have so much of the real work to do around our sovereignty, our victim responses and cycles…our mastery of our discernment…

Things like sitting with things like sitting with heightened sensation, regulating our body nervous system, being able to listen and hold space outside of here (points to mind; mental field).

Right, yet here (heart) here with our entire body’s perception …seeing with our entire being, without making it mean something.

I think they say something like being able to hold a thought without making meaning out of it is the highest form of intelligence and that’s heart intelligence, right? That’s body attunement.

So… if you’ve got at someone that’s messing with you or you’re going through a lot of difficult confusing layers of misunderstanding or narcissistic patterns or gas lighting patterns…

You know, this is, this is what I’m doing is when someone attempts to start some sort of weird unnecessary conflict with me, right?

Regardless of whether it’s family or your daughter’s father or your stepsister, what, whatever your boss, whatever it is…

Recognize ultimately that what they are trying to say is (see them from this place) that they’re trying to say is…

“I’m hurting. Can you please distract me for a while from dealing with my own demons, by pretending that you are my problem and you’re bad?”

Because when you are completely not engaged in that agreement… When you ignore them, it’s kind of your way of saying, “NO, deal with your mirror or find someone else to trick”, because the moment that you do engage with their energy, you’re… entering a contract and a relationship with them in THEIR world.

And this takes us away from our own inner insight, our own eyeballs. It takes us away from our path, our work, it weakens our inner field, right?

Our inner power, our solidarity, right? Our consolidation of energy inside of us.

So to really resist the temptation, to respond, to check in, to co depend, to convince them… to prove something…

Recognize that our engagement with low level battles like this does not bring us closer to God source walking God force, right?

It doesn’t bring us closer to the living light that we really are….

It doesn’t bring us closer to our own throne and our own ownership of who we are when we are focusing so much on others.

Um, so unless we’re elevating people to where we are through a place of inspiration, through owning all parts of ourselves and walking in love anyway…

Unless we’re not, you know, owning our stuff and the light and all the unconscious/dark and NOT allowing those who are not matching us to not drag us down like that, that’s all there is.

We’re either elevating people to our frequency or we’re being brought to on to others’ frequency because we’re not a secure container, right.

We’re being a leaky container. We’re not aware of our own energy.

So elevate or be elevated yet don’t settle for less is what I’m trying to say in any area of life.

It’s really about choosing the right energy to be engaging with right now and knowing our own self inquiry within because most in the world right now, I don’t wanna say most…but so many are afraid of each other, right?

They’re afraid of themselves; yet we can celebrate it. Ok?

We can be in the mess and still honor the good and know solidly what our mess is and not BS ourselves, right?

Cuz we can never be in the space that heals another, that responsibility doesn’t belong to us.

We can only be a space that encourages and inspires another to be a mirror for themselves to find healing themselves, to return home to themselves.

You and I will never find worth in another. We can only find worth in ourselves and attract those who are matching or worthy of our energy.

Only because we are being worthy of our own.

Because we are (not split yet owning all of who we are) and checking in with our own pathologies.

We are thus able see ourselves clearly and face even the ugliest parts of ourselves and bring it back into the present moment to create, to create again, to mulch it down and recreate…

So please love, recognize, accept and acknowledge your worth and stop waiting for the world or for other people to tell you that you’re worthy.

For many, I feel like it’s time to be unapologetic in shining our light, owning all parts of ourselves and sharing our voice.

Sharing our gifts and walking forward on our divine path in some sort of progress right now…

To really own our ugly stuff, to resurrect the pain that’s living inside of us and not keep it frozen in our body, but give it a place to live, right?

In our creations, in all parts of our life, our voice, our music…

Your work, your truth, your writing, letting it to be ingested and mulched down and spit out like a bridge allowing you to build a better path for yourself.

No matter what it is, we can untie and unfreeze the pain that’s inside of us and allow it to show us the way.

And the reason I’m saying this over and over is because I, I know a lot of people are growing a lot right now.

Were in like a massive (growth) ascension cycle, um, until like 2025.

There’s an immense and potent growth that’s happening.

And there’s a lot of people that are shifting their trajectories … that are finding ownership within.. that are connecting to their own sovereignty, their own truth and learning how to live it (in the body; actions).

And in this, there’s a lot of change.

There’s a lot of leaving people behind, like I was saying earlier.

And still, it’s really time to stop focusing on others. It’s none of our business, what the other person’s journey is, right?

What their growth is, unless we’re just sharing our own growth and reflecting it in a space that might help shine a mirror for another…

But we can’t, we can’t change or help others in the ways that I feel so many of us that are doing, um, going back and forth in traumatic circles and codependent patterns are we are continuing to revolve ourselves around.

So anyway, let me just do a quick recap and then I’m gonna close up, but I feel like the energy of now is really about hibernation and ending the cycle, disrupting…a major death cycle, endings, losses, significant shifts, um, and what may look like tests from the multiverse, right?

Of whether we’ve learned these lessons. Um, I don’t think this new year’s was much of a bang, but much of a fizzle.

It was the unwind, the deconstruction, the decompression of all the lessons, the energy, even the upgrades of this last immense year of 2021.

And I know collectively on an emotional level, we are deeply purging whats been frozen, we are descending and then elevating, right.

We’re dropping in lower timelines and then maybe a couple days later, like something really miraculous happens right. As we hold that space and we trust ourselves and we follow through, um, and I feel like the energy’s gonna be picking up something big I can feel is right around the corner.

So really take this time to rest.

Um, so much of our energy is being used on or focused on closing out old patterns and timelines and you know, like I said before, bringing these lost parts back to the surface.

What our focus needs to be is what nurtures us, what’s really lighting our fires at this time, or just completely resting and allowing the death…

For us to really sit with what is… for us to really embrace what is, so yeah, massive purge and all is melting and surfacing.

All of what’s been frozen…we are stepping in some deep water energy for this year, which is a massive shift for so many people, especially those who have been denying gaslighting, bypassing themselves…their Soma (their truth just as it is) their emotion, energy in motion inside their body.

Uh, it’s all surfacing and we’re in this massive portal of Ascension right now, um, people learning sovereignty and stepping into being the creators, owning all of ourselves and what we came into this lifetime, this body for.

To really actualizing, being and stepping into our own inner union…

And so if you’re noticing lower, dark timelines, limiting dark, shadows are being rebalanced rather quickly with light or “miracles” faster than ever, know that it’s not just you, it’s definitely happening.

And I feel right now, while we’re still in this resting period, it’s a really good time to be clearing out all of our old energy.

Um, um, to clear it out so we can stop focusing on the old that’s collapsing.

It’s time to start building the NEW (new earth) and I’m gonna have some messages around that coming out soon…

So I love you very much.

And um, I hope you’re taking really, really good care of yourself, nurturing care, feeding yourself good food while breathing, practicing on a daily basis, whatever your practices are doing.

The self-inquiry, keep noticing what you’re noticing and then noticing that…noticing the triggers and the reaction your body and your nervous system knows over the mind at every point, false positivity isn’t work…

It’s the time to focus on creating the new and stepping into what we are creating from this cocoon that we’re emerging from.

I love you very much and I appreciate you so much.

Thank you for watching.

I love you. I will see you next time.

Crystal Aryana signing out.

See you soon.


Crystal Aryana

Love you,

Crystal Aryana

PS: I’ll be adding the word transcription of this entire new Energy Update video directly onto this same blog in a few hours when it’s done. I didn’t want to make you wait… So if you want to be able to read this new video, please make sure to come back to the same blog page in the morning so that you can read the transcription!

Crystal Aryana

About Crystal Aryana


  • Deb says:

    How do I finally watch this tonight a week after you post it and i t is what’s going on in my life as of this week and especially this Friday? I’m just really seeing and “getting it” all the way how I have been keeping myself in the same holding patterns. I’ve gone through some of the most horrific things in my life growing up that no one should ever go through. Yet lately it’s uncanny how in the open or in my face how I can see now how I keep putting myself in the same places … I see it’s what I am not letting go of and what I don’t want to see. I am learning how to own it and “check myself” in my unconscious and forgiving in myself. Thank you, Crystal for speaking to this and giving me direct confirmation. I don’t know but it’s truly amazing how you do this for me and for everyone who seems to really need it.

  • tricia says:

    I wish you all the best. I have been listening to Matias de Stephano. He remembers everything from the beginning of this planet. What i can decipher is that we needed the dark to create this planet. And what is the best for us is laughter (which will raise are vibration) and breathing properly. And definitely grounding we must do all our work from within not without!

  • Shannon Barber says:

    Thank you Crystal.

    I’m just taking the time now to digest your message and I’m floored how much im moving through this myself. Checking myself from inquiring within and no longer “allowing in my space” and seeing myself and my own shadow instead of focusing on why another has hurt me. I’m going through so much with my family right now and this completely lifted me up. I’ve been crying every day this week! I feel so alone yet I feel better when I get to read your posts and actually see that I’m not alone. Please don’t stop writing to us. God bless you!! You are a gift, don’t forget this.

  • Sharon says:

    Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

  • Tay says:

    Thank you so much for your heart felt message. It is so powerful as you spoke from your heart and truth. It some how mirrored my by

    Reality right now. I am reading this book Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn. How Powerful and I just dove in. I just picked up the bible and God had me to read John. What a real truth bomb. I to had to dive into my truths, accountability and loving me. Due to losing my rocks, my brother in May and dad in Aug. I began to anxiously attaching myself to my bf. And then I exp. More loss. A cousin, a uncle and a friend. Allot of losses in 6 months. Although I was in grief therapy and processing my feelings, anger and rejection. In Dec. my boyfriend rejected me. I became such and emotional mess as he revisited everything I ever said to him going back to 2012 to present. He brought up painful times in my life that so triggered me. I felt addicted to this man and now realize he was my crutch. We somehow ended back together due to my brother and dad passing and he was there for me. I needed that and will be grateful. He has since ghosted me right after Christmas. This was not the first time he ghosted me. He explodes and walk away. I was not Perfect and realize my truths. I pick disconnected men and I to have been disconnected. We need people to heal and live. We r not meant to be alone. He loves it that way and always had pushed me back. I am so Thankful he does not live near me. I realize with the anger and PTSD this can potentially be dangerous for me. I Thank God for Protecting me. It is painful so I Pray for your healing as well. I am glad he had the courage to shut the door . This time I have removed the doorknobs. I am loving what God has for me moving forward. He has so much for you as well my dear. We must press forward and know God has a perfect plan for our lives..

  • Shaun Hines says:

    Crystal Aryana… Let me first just hold you and “mini angel lay awake” in the most comforting warmth and rock you gently to sleep.. and the softest wings of the most powerful archangels cradle you both safely through the night in a love that never leaves..
    (my prayer for you)..
    Otherwise, where do I even start love? I have soooo much to say and so many questions to ask.. (as I always do)..
    There is SO MUCH I YEARN TO DISCOVER AND LEARN! Especially, since I’ve had to accept that I know nothing of love, I know nothing of humility and genuine selflessness.. I know nothing of truly being in need like so many people are in so many ways in this world.. I mean, we sit and blow up our life stories as if we haven’t seen what our eyes have seen.. as if we haven’t witnessed the suffering in this world and know that all we have, are reasons to be grateful.. Because what we believe to be suffering, is really just not having things the way we prefer.. or this is the reality of my complaints.. This is why I often feel so ashamed that I speak like a victim in many situations when I’m simply speaking the truth? Then when I keep it All to myself, I’m not being true to what I feel?? This is the contrast I feel so often, to the point that I don’t know what is real anymore.. I mean, I don’t bring up things intentionally to make people feel sorry for me.. as a matter of fact, I spent so long not saying anything at all because I felt I deserved it for being so imperfect in many ways.. I never claimed to anyone to be innocent or not having my own list of wrong doings… The difference as far as I’m concerned in our narcissistic ways, is wether or not we’re willing to hurt others to hide all that we can’t accept ourselves.. I’m not willing to do that.. I may get angry after far too many years of holding it down and crying like a coward in silence. Simply because I didn’t understand why it was only me who “felt” so deeply in general. And why this was weird and laughed about.. but even more importantly it was only me who felt how deeply wrong and NOT NORMAL it truly was to hurt or degrade another person.. and I whole heartedly believe, that is genuinely what hurt me the most. That people are so gladly cruel to others.. This is the very thing in life that broke my naive heart to pieces.. I do take full responsibility for my life and every unintelligent and impulsive decision I’ve ever made.. But it’s kinda just who I am.. I never put too much pressure on life choices and just lived it as it came.. some may find that irresponsible, I find it necessary to not need life to be complicated… Because the further we disect and work on ourselves, the deeper our flaws and lack of knowledge grow.. instead of accepting ourselves we make it impossible to come anywhere even close to that.. But I do accept responsibility for so much.. for not even knowing boundaries exist and why they are so important in life.. I take accountability for being completely oblivious to my own wounds, addictions and lack of self love.. My ignorance was exactly that.. “ignorance”..
    “to lack the knowledge of”, emotional maturity and not understanding I was childish in how I expressed my pain and anger.. I never knew why I felt things so deeply, yet I was seen as someone strong and unaffected.. I was always so embarrassed to let others know they were capable of making me feel that way.. because I feared them taking advantage of that once they knew. Even now I still try and hide my emotions, feelings and or attraction from others and mostly myself.. because I’m not capable of trusting myself enough to trust anyone else.. and unfortunately I do know more let downs and betrayal than I do about being genuinely loved and or accepted.. still today, when someone offers me their love I’m terrified to open my heart and trust it.. Again.. I don’t know if I trust myself to know what love genuinely feels like.. I only know what I deeply felt was love or soul connection, was apparently nothing even close to it.. Yet it looked just like what everyone calls “love” when they are in relationships.. To be completely honest, I feel at this point, it would be more of a joke to offer “my love” to anyone who I feel holds this space in my heart.. I’m 40 years old and still lie here in bed awake with anxiety, wondering if I’m allowed to be “gay”? Wondering if my life partner is a man? How am I supposed to pretend to feel something that I want absolutely no parts of.. (well just not sexually anyway)… As far as friendships, I enjoy men more than women.. They just can’t connect with me on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level, let alone sexual level.. let alone, “my” sexual level”.. not to sound arrogant because I’m not into that or over rating myself.. Although, most women are just as clueless and not present, so it definitely isn’t only men.. Maybe it’s just the height and depth I’m willing to go to.. which has no limits.. if we lose ourselves than we will find ourselves just the same.. and then do it all over again.. that’s my expectations which are unfortunately rarely matched by others.. When you’re passionate about something, it shows in every detail, down to the things we weren’t even aware were capable of feeling.. so Can we just accept that we’re unsure of everything and make an effort to be more aware now that we’ve finally become mature enough to actually accept and understand that?? Can we just be a little bit of everything and still see ourselves as good enough and capable of being exactly who “I” feel I’m to be?? Is my answer to all this going to be good enough for my soul? Or because I’m so aware that I’m unaware in this field of life, will I rely as usual on another’s opinion being more valuable than my own?? I’m not used to allowing life to suck me in so deeply.. I’ve never given it the chance to make me question myself because the questions never end.. and happiness can’t come anywhere even close to that.. All I can do, is what feels right within me and pray I am at least making an effort that’s worthy of my souls mission in this life… It’s 3:28am lol my birth month and day..and I have to work tomorrow.. Here I am, as always, lying awake, wishing I didn’t have to feel guilty for not wanting to be alone.. We we’re made for one another.. so why feel bad when we need each other.. if we were meant to do it all alone then why twin flames, kindred spirits and deep soul connections.. ?? I love sharing love with another person, I don’t think I’ll allow myself to feel guilty or ashamed of that any longer.. I don’t have to always know every answer or be a model soul, which is something I’ll never be and am okay with.. I just want to try and be a better person, kinder, more loving, accepting and compassionate of myself and others.. hopefully, making the world just a little better while doing it.. otherwise I’ll make the whole world my responsibility and that’s far too much weight for one person to carry. We’ll never find peace if we keep searching for ways in which we aren’t being “good enough”.. you can’t end chaos by fighting it with more chaos, right?? We need to just be, to just love, to just accept.. we need to just breathe… Breath in love instead of worry, light instead of dark and peace instead of chaos… We need to stop our minds to open our hearts and simply exist.. not making it so difficult, so complicated and so unattainable. “We are worthy of that” love you

  • Anna says:

    Hi Crystal Arianna , this is Anna from Australia . WOW , I have just watched your video and I’m like , do 6ou know exactly what I’m going through right now ? I have recently lost three of my family members , not to physical death , but by manipulative evil hands of another .Like a bomb , it blew everything apart . But also allowing us a choice in How we deal with the situation & How we want to move forward . The happenings have been so diabolical & unbelievable and all about disempowerment that even authorities who who promise to protect are blind .
    It’s been so overwhelming & So So painful .
    As I am guided and actively living my True Self , Spirit , Lightbody , I am noticing my growth & That of my daughter, excellerated & bring us closer together in unconditional Love , than ever before. This is opening up an empowerment in us , that in turn is changing how we see , deal with and live through the darkness . Bringing about a strength we have not lived before ( that we know of ) changing the way we do , think & Live . Changing our Vibration & becoming more of our True selves.
    I send you and Bella a blessing & a huge Heart to Heart Hug . & Thankyou so much for all that you are & all that you share .
    In Love and Gratitude

  • Anna Crilley says:

    Hello Crystal please know you are a such a huge soul for allowing us to honestly peek through see this process you “just as you are” and all that you are going through. I just finally finished the video and so much of what you said is happening for me, I started crying a few times because I know how hard it’s been for me and I can clearly see the same for you. It looks like you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep all week and I want you to know how much we all appreciate you being so real. You are on of a kind Crystal. Keep your head up Xxo

  • ELO Régis says:

    thankx so much lovely dear Cristal A and angel

    allways a pleasure to read your news …

    Quite busy and struggling to keep my focus on some business on line interesting me , using social media in moderated way , as far as i can not to be an addict

    i ‘m on the way to get freedom and inner peace by implementing the latest process i want to set … to keep in touch with a specific audience

    Coaching , creating formations for entrepreneurs and consultants who needs to be guided on main topics linked to psychology, spirituality , social and

    cognitive abilities , neuroscience etc … Some friends asked me to support them backed up their growing and supervise the optimization …

    Now what’s NEW about this YEAR 2022 ?

    is that it’s MINE to rock the boat of abundance

    Thankx for being you dear enlighted soul … see you later along the pathway

    Inner peace and infinite love around

    Régis from Caribbean

  • Crsencio bernier says:

    Thank you for all you do god is the greatest we shall overcome what we can’t control let go …i put myself in a circle of self mental state were i won’t let anything take me from were i once was …thank you and godbless you and better hope all gets better some way some how …god is the greatest

  • Teremoana says:

    I listened to this on Sunday and again today, so many truth bombs. It is so clear that we are all going through similar situations in these times. Very true that we have come to the realisation of what is we are allowing into our lives and the ones we just want to turn our backs on. Knowing what you don’t want to be a part of or that you are nor giving your energy to is power the kind I never realised I had until i used it. Thank you for this.

  • Hlami says:

    Hello beautiful soul, your right were all affected by many things. Don’t worry you look beautiful enjoy your lovey Bella, and lets keep moving forward all is going to be well lets keep trying our best.

  • Sandra says:

    We have to pray for world peace the world is in disarray

  • Honey crystal Aryana, its almost understand, and your lifes hardship too. We all trusted in god, so defenitley believed god will solving every problems in our lives came. Waiting for the next part thank you Somuch

  • john says:

    trying to understand it all but moving forward i pray we all moving in same diction

  • Cathy says:

    Thank you…extremely spot on and insightful. Here’s wishing you peace within and outside of yourself. I will be concentrating on evolving…I’ve left my cocoon and it will be really invigorating to see what is next….good…bad….and fugly…..and on we go!!

  • David says:

    Hello , well said …its is truley a Vacume right now …i could go on and on about my take on it ….but I will simplify it for everyone …

    its a final conclusion with Darkness Vs Light …and Darkness is winning , stay strong ….how can we turn the tide …the answer is

    Love …….its that simple ………

    Peace , love , respect

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