The Energy Show – Episode One – A New Cycle Of Creation

By January 26, 2020 Energy Update, Podcast

Aquarius New Moon, New Decade, New Era

“The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” -Joseph Campbell

Hi loves…

Yes, I have been away.

And yet so happy to be sharing with you today… <3

Thanks for hanging in there with me.  I spent the last few weeks alone, somatic and deep in my body and inner cave, holding it all, deconstructing the old and building new things quietly.

I needed more time than I realized receiving, witnessing and processing a tragic death in the family as well as going through my own inner family crisis (on top of other deep inner deaths regarding all my relationships, relationship with self, even my business..)

I am now coming back in a new and easier way, from here out.

Work from flow and inspiration as well as honor and show up in deeper discipline so that I can flow and offer SO much more in 2020 loves…

I feel like I walked into a whole new universe and way of living life since the Solstice/Capricorn eclipse and into the New year.

All these divine masculine codes rising on the Earth this year (in us all) is going to be bringing the pain body (nervous system) into the light.

Back into our hearts.

SO much has changed for me recently.  And it’s all profoundly good ..even though, at times deliciously terrifying!

Not just new ways of being and doing. Or new heights and sights.

It’s also facing the fear of what I will find when being great.

And anchoring chaos, owning my sh*t, staying with it in my body as I churn out beauty.

Nesting deep in the inner roots of my being, holding my inner child that is screaming—the parts of me that feel they can’t deal…

And asking myself in those moments, how can I care for this part of myself that is sooo f*ing scared, not knowing how to take a step forward?

And how can honor what I need so that I can release what I am resisting and show this part, it’s safe?

Letting go, releasing, dissolve the old becomes natural and effortless the more I allow the light of awareness into these soul fragments with my unwavering hearts attention and devotion.

Returning back to my nervous system and somatic awareness.

And anchor them back home, into the present moment, sensationally in my physical body.

And this is key…

If you want to create “the new.”⁣

It can be too easy to get caught in the trap of emotional looping in your pain body (even for years on end, about something) that justifies YOU not showing up and allowing yourself to choose love.

That allows you to stand in your truth nakedly and honestly as you honor your core truths (and false masks).

This is why I had to back up, disrupt and erect my inner King—create some new structures, new passageways, boundaries and foundations in my life.

So that I can choose deeper love, flow, pleasure and ease into my life.

So not just a shift in perception from fear to love, but a stronger backbone and openness to be vulnerable.

To fully open my own heart in the deep and allow my own mercy, yet not “repeat my looping drama”, but staying within my silent wisdom and inner observer.

Not giving energy to what “should be happening or hasn’t happened yet” but staying centered and open in my heart and present awareness.

Allowing the body to move through old emotional trauma from the body itself, simply takes holding the container and intelligently witnessing.

Presence is key.

From the soul’s view facing your feelings isn’t scary, it’s just existing as sensations flow freely, present in your body.

Your soul sees sensation in your body not as a “story” with an attached meaning, yet as a soul reunion.

The “story” becomes unwired in your nervous just with you being present with the old “Eros” energy that want to be guided/alchemized back into presence (and new form or creation!) .

Just being being attentive to each sensation and feeling without blame or thought, showering each sensation with unwavering love is all it takes to regenerate as I dance each “part” back into union in my body.

And at the same time as freely and deeply feeling, I also needed the space and time to completely reorganize and restructure my life.

New things.  New structures.

Even neuroscientists who study brain imaging say that pure emotional essence and expression only lasts for 90 seconds in the mind, then only stays in your nervous system if there’s is an emotional story attached.

So while I needed time for my old holding and expression I also needed space for cultivating deeper discernment with what to stay with, hold and feel…

And what not to.

Meaning I needed to know when to fully let go of control and RECEIVE—dance, move, play, breathe, slow down…

And also discern when to change my environment, my daily circumstances and structures so that I can be more free and creative, ask for help, receive support, get more work done, have more fun, make a healthy pivot or shift and more.

This way I am erecting my Inner King, knowing my core truth, living it with my being and actions, which makes more space and receptivity for my Inner Queen to surrender into deeper presence, receptivity, sweet inner honey, juiciness, flow and grace, knowing she is already worthy and whole.

And I feel this is useful too for the collective as the relationship between the masculine and feminine is greatly changing in the awakening collective this year.

Or said in other words, the relationship between the macro and micro, right and left brain, embodied love and wisdom (truth), physical and energetic, somatic being and doing.

Or just simply, your own wholeness and connection to the Universe.

Yes.  It’s time for the new, love.

And in celebration of being outside the box, dissolving “over doing, over thinking, trying hard” habits, walking my own heart beat path, opening my body to the present moment and showing up as the miracle…

I just got done yesterday recording my FIRST ever podcast for you!

The Energy Show Podcast:  Episode 1 – A New Cycle Of Creation



It’s covers what happened to me last month as well as some of the new things I am creating right now, along with a quick recap and overview of Jan energy (ie. Saturn/Pluto conjunction and eclipses) as we take a bigger visionary look of the year ahead during this revolutionary first New Moon of the decade.

Energy Update:  A New Era Has Begun


What I feel is coming, isn’t going to be what any of us expects this year.  Again.

We’re entering a period of breaking free into the Unknown…

Even if you are feeling laid bare, heart open—holding the ugliest parts and choosing your own mercy.

You’re closer to the right relationship and living in your truth than you are if you’re ignoring and bypassing your pain.

Triggers are again, just allowing you to remember yourself and come back home.

It’s time.  You’ve made the decision.

Now it’s time to follow through, liberating yourself from the chains that bind you …

All those “outdated ideas” prisons, traditions, structures and limits you formerly gave yourself.

It’s time to see them for what they are as they dissolve in the light of your own awareness.

Feeling it all “alive” in your body—the place where you’re able to create WITH the present moment.

Even the fear, and “opening as” whatever it is while you continue to choose love.

Not resisting anything, just choosing to engage what IS aligned.

Yes, you are Holy in the mess.  Give yourself the rare permission to surrender to your own embodied truth, depth and live it!

Walk that “unseen path” forward where you are provided for, and you have and are given exactly what you need.

It’s total BS to think you can be happy one day, once you’re “healed, happy and whole” …


BE HAPPY NOW by facing the truth and coming into alignment with YOU. Right now you can create the life, joy and happiness you want…

Forever waiting can kick rocks.

I received a clear message on Christmas Day (posted on my Facebook page that day). Something like “if you want your happily ever after, BE Happy Now.”

Because once your relationship within changes, your relationship with the whole world around you shifts.

You begin to go within.

You truly start to accept that you can create anything you truly want.

You can even slowly learn the things you thought you wanted are not what you thought they provided you as you start coming from a deeper place; as you begin to see the whole.

Trust yourself to feel instead of project and blame.  Breathe instead of think or explain.

Create from higher frequencies and “do” from a higher quality state of being.

You begin to see that within all those cages and self limiting …

Behind those triggers, insecurities, masks and “blind spots” ..

Is only undigested “life force” that wants to be anchored and regenerated.

In other words, those are pieces of yourself that only want to return back home.

And it all depends on your relationship with self.

You claim your power and magnetism by how you respond to yourself.

That’s it.

How you respond to you.  Your response—ability.

Living your naked truth.


Straight into the fear is the entrance to your own magical magnetism and true power.

It’s all comes down to your own being.

You’re “inner to outer” alignment.

Your daily energetic hygiene like I kept saying throughout all of 2019.

And the more you integrate the wounds…

The more you rewire your patterning back to love, the more you realize what you used to resist, shame and suffer from ultimately holds the key to your deepest happiness, fulfillment and alignment.

And when you are truly fulfilled, you are unstoppable (a clear broadcasting channel to the universe).

And divine time arrives.

Because it’s not about dates and times when things happen, lovely.

It’s about your FREQUENCY and your readiness to HOLD the field and space.

Happening in Divine time—means what you most desire arrives as soon as your soul (your body; embodied being) is fully aligned with allowing it into your reality…

This is the heart of co-creation!

So no more thinking once you “get to where too want to be one day” you’ll be happy.

Be present now and create.

You can be in the heavy stuff you resist and still access your magnetism, embracing all parts of you…

Yes, radiant and grounded, even in the storm.

Embracing The Eye Of The Storm


After all this brutal and heavy Capricorn Pluto/Saturn energy, it’s been nice exploring this Aquarian flow last week…

For me, I feel like I can share more outside of my direct innate (somatic/nervous system) experience and more easily rise from this inner sanction and cave I’ve been cocooning within.

Yes I feel this new dawn throughout every layer and texture of life; as above and so below.

What a truly wild month it’s been for us all.

Sacredly undoing the old without making it wrong, choosing to make love, new boundaries, closing threads not serving, shedding skin, tears, releasing tensions, meeting face to face with old mental (pain body) monsters and doubts…

And lately like this Aquarian energy, being the rebel and exploring my unlimited potential, making my own path forward, turning anxious tension or nervous energy into aligned action!


Disrupting chaos into flow by holding it; be-ing anchored in the tension and then when you’re ready, creating from it.

Embracing fear and allowing love IN, breathing deeper breaths…

Being present still, existing more within your own inner observer.

Clearing out distortions from your field, sending back to Source.  No shame. Just love.

As love, seeing whenever we’re not magnetizing from within, not allowing love in and opening as love.

I find myself discovering many new spaces lately.

And the greater disciplined I am at owning it, grounding it and setting up new structures, processes and new containers.

The more I can receive, tune into love and sit in my inner Queen and flow “letting things be easier” as I learn to surf and flow these new energies…

Ohhh and those endings…


Every End Brings A New Beginning


Thank you to all you beautiful souls who kept in touch with me during this major soul evolutionary time while I was away.

I love and appreciate you so profoundly much!

Approaching the Solstice and ever more after Christmas I felt quite different.

Some ways felt like honey, sweet flow calling me to step into greater trust, being and ease.

Other ways that once worked, seemed oddly more forced and no longer really “worked” —only added stress.

It felt like I was being prompted up a higher timeline as any way “that was a struggle or too much effort” seemed to fall apart personally and professionally…

Time to find new ways from present heart creation.

I am being shown the more we embrace the moment and stay present, the more we can anchor and create a new way almost instantaneously … when walking in full faith.

We must be in full alignment with our own body this year (and light body) and allowing what our own body and nervous system shows us and rewiring it back to love.

And continuing to walk our path forward no matter what.

There’s no other way, yet going within to the without.

The more we erect our inner King and ground our nervous systems in our body; into the grid…

The more space we open up to sit in our inner Queen and RECEIVE our own light, on top of the throne of our own hearts.

Showing up just as you are, worthy and already whole and flowing with, creating from what is.

I found that anywhere in my life where I was overclocking, thinking or doing in any sense (even working late nights) is now breaking down / birthing into the new.

It was like I was getting the message more than ever to fully rest in faith and trust myself.

Working hard, straining, resisting flow, sacrificing to receive or in any way struggling to “do, whether it be in my family dynamic or even in my business just isn’t holding up.  At all.

I also fell sick over the lunar eclipse, which is kinda rare for me so it was a sure message to ever deeper slow down and process.

Kinda like during this New Moon of the new year and new decade.

New Moon In Aquarius:  New Decade, New Choices


It’s choice point time, so what are you creating and what seeds are you planting?

If you remember back in Nov and Dec, I wrote a lot about a major choice point upon you.

I also had a dream that I need to do a video about this dream that speaks directly to this time (mentioned on the podcast.)

I am going to do it’s own video on it.

Essentially it’s about trusting we are provided for and we have all we need when we are operating from heart frequency.

You’ll also see this messages also in the posts I wrote all the way back in September, when Pluto and Saturn got closer to conjoining in Capricorn.

The themes about choosing yourself, choosing love and no longer abandoning your body, your wild sensations flowing in your present being, your own self love and following your own inner compass and trusting that what’s happening is exactly what you need.

(As well as anchoring present truth and disrupting old repetitive cycles with deeper silence, truth and presence, so that you can see your own whole… and walking god force capacity when you come home).

They key message was this:  It’s all happening *FOR you, not to you.

And it all led everything in your life up to a head now.

Are you going to find new ways to let IN more love and let it come easy?

Let in pleasure, more flow and ease because you’re more authentic, rooted and grounded in your own energy field, awareness and core truths?

It begins with the little things (how you do one thing is how you done everything).

Are you willing to trust you have the power already within you and allow love IN?

Or will you keep clinging to the old ways, old patterns, and habits that are dysfunctional?

Again moving deeper into your effortless being and flow comes down erecting your inner King (truth, radical honesty, inner alignment, presence) and choosing embodied love.

It’s simply being it.  That’s it.

Showing up.

No more projecting the pain outside of you, no more leaving your own body.

It’s time for conscious relationship, within and without.

Your inner creates your outer.

2020 is about building your core foundation throughout life from a place of authentic naked truth, through embodied love and wisdom.

Learning to create with self, life, the universe as Trinity or AS the third pole or tandem relationship between the two: above and below, inner and outer, being and doing, thinking and feeling, masculine and feminine, mother and father, physical and energetic, macro and micro.

This is moving from duality into the whole.

The spiritual masculine wants to rise through the ego, the physical and material into pure witnessing consciousness to co create with source from and straight through…

The primordial feminine wants to return to her nervous system and field, body and all the ways she didn’t get to be alive, sense, feel, or open as she is…yes—all this undigested life force (dark magical womb space of creation, really) unresolved memories, unfelt sensations wants to be regenerated into the new…

This neurosis is the shadow feminine in us all is simply built up unprocessed or undigested energy.

This neurosis is what we call the “pain body.”

When left unchecked, creates narcissistic energy that is inverted in our field.

Where we don’t know that we can stop controlling or twisting and instead honor our sacred vow and be the (power) and love we innately are.

So instead we create endless looping and repetitive dramas and patterns that keep playing out mentally.

We build energy reversals where we look for love outside of ourselves (through the external and ego) instead of being embodied within our own heart; and being.

And when it comes down to integrating the pain body…

It’s actually only through your dark mother or lower sacral chakra energy that you can take all those fears, anxieties and doubts and regenerate them back into raw power.  This is true power.

Dark mother energy is medicine and the regenerator.  It’s the source energy at the base of your spine.

This is the seat of your soul.  This is where your innate power and wildness lives.

It’s the home you create within when flowing freely in your own self belonging and naked truth knowing life is happening *FOR you.

Yes so much contraction and expansion happening during these life and soul altering passages, endings, beginnings.

Life is landing in ways for you to and new pathways are helping you unfold new storylines…

Yesss new story lines are being written.

You’re likely seeing old trauma or the painbody (your nervous system) from a new place…

There is a powerful possibility when you keep your heart open.

Life is asking you to open as it’s opening up for you lately in all these new pathways, are you seeing them?

If not, the time is calling you to slow down into the present, keeping your heart big and wide…and

Deserve.  Allow. Receive.


Even as the old comes undone, you can the most unbelievable magic this moment.

All it takes is being in alignment with your own honey pot.

And this means living as your truth, heart open possibility and choosing how you co-create life in the moment.

You must claim yourself.  Choose love.

And you can receive whatever it is that you want.

If there’s something blocking you from receiving—honor it.

There’s a death that must happen and this death will also help you “back up” and see why you are also clinging to its story, it’s impending existence and limitation…

You don’t need to “do” to be worthy. Like I always say, you’re already whole.  Go straight to love.

And yet this is the process, you must also see the cost and the payoff of your being and actions to see the whole.

Once you fully see the whole, then you know it’s not happening outside you.

It is you, holding it all.  Like keys in frequency.

Let those anxieties, old mechanisms, fears and distortions dissolve into the light of fully seeing the WHOLE of the present moment.

You are love.  Love is you.

And love just is.

With or without your judgment.

And you are “free” to liberate any old patterns you choose—just because YOU choose it.

Trust living the naked truth of what makes you happy and whole.

Take the space you need to be in right relationship with YOU.

From here you then create delicious, empowering conscious relationships with others from a place of your own inner union!

Your Personal 2020 Awakening


Uplifting, inspiring, allowing evolution, expansion, challenge and growth in the ones we love from a place of REAL embodied self love.

Choosing truth over comfort, allowing each other to be more, grow and explore, instead of stagnate and limit.

2020 is the year that the awakening masses will begin to collaborate more in this way which means, trusting and taking full ownership for our own wounds/unfelt pain, fragments and projections physically in our body.

It’s not loving, real, spiritual or healthy to deny or bypass what’s real.

It’s time to BE real.

It’s okay if you have to go where you have never gone before…

It’s okay if this unknown “and knowing nothing” feels frightening.

It doesn’t mean that identification or story or label.

You can be unrecognizable for a while as you metamorphosis.

It doesn’t mean anything.

It doesn’t mean you are wrong.

Or that you can’t keep your heart open because of a mistake or failure.

It doesn’t mean that story or that you don’t have what it takes to be what you feel called in this lifetime to offer.

It rather suggests that you’ll need to come into deeper alignment with your own authenticity, nakedness just as you are..

It means your truth also mean embodied *lived* integrity = as you come into inner to outer wholeness and total alignment.

It’s suggests you create new structures and containers that are aligned to your values and evolving needs as you grow so you can flow and let down barriers to love …

And come into greater wholeness with you.

That’s what this year will show you.

You are ready to return HOME to YOU.

You are worthy of breaking through all the outdated ways, thoughts and forms that no longer serve you.

This week may feel a little lighter after coming out of all of this heavy Capricorn energy, even amongst all the change and “trigger awakening” moments…

It may also feel a little electrical and unexpecting too as there was a lot of activity last week coming from Uranus and over this Aquarius New moon.

Yes this New Moon brought us to the end of the Eclipse cycle, yet the influences set in motion will be felt for a long time.

The Saturn Pluto conjunction we will somatically unwinding all this year and at least next year in our nervous system (and much, much longer collectively as a whole…)

So much is happening between the new relationship being explored through the masculine and the feminine this year.

It’s time to come online to our own inner to outer marriage and union to close the gap.


Instead we going deeper into erecting our own love and truth until we are ready to receive our greater landing.

This proverbial ship can be so many things for some yet it all speaks to our own grounded and anchored BEING as the old imbalanced power structures wash away…how do we choose to create dear Alchemist?

For now, show up this week by fully slowing down into presence …

The more open-minded, heart present and flexibility the greater you receive all the changes and possibilities asking for your own initiation.

This is a powerful time to review over the past several weeks (even years) and all that’s being shown to you.

Evolve or Repeat


It’s very important that you give yourself enough space to integrate all of these energies.

2020 is bringing in huge lightbody upgrades yet we must initiate within our own inner cave and integrate them into our physical being.

With so many things activated during this time it’s important that your listening to your body…

Repetitive looping and drama ends when you stop running from it and anchor the experience within your body…locate where it is in your physical body.

As you do, you begin to open up new awareness around old containers and old beliefs that no longer serve you—that whys it’s coming up.

The body reveals truth to you in layers as you become more in tune and aware.

Treat yourself body as the sacred gateway it is.

Your body is the vehicle to the infinite source energy within you that allows you to REGENERATE and create from within your own WHOLE.

Even manifesting tangible things, life experiences or people.

From within sacred inner marriage you begin to draw those who are also in embodied/physical union and conscious relationship to you.

You communicate with the universe from your own self awareness, knowing your own wholeness, that the universe is you.

The universe doesn’t reward or punish you and has no fixed agenda.

Once you make a decision the universe works around that decision. And it’s truly is your choice to break free from what is keeping you small.

You might even enjoy this process of “undoing the old” and not making it wrong—if you’re really living and growing in life then little is supposed to stay the same.

Everything changes…

From your needs, to your relationship with self and all of life, your orientation, frequency and perspective as you evolve, heal or recognize your own wholeness.

Be Willing To Surprise Yourself


Be willing to show up in ways you didn’t expect at first.

It’s okay if it doesn’t fit your old boxes of how others see you—you’re not alive in this body to meet their expectations.

You are here to trust and follow your soul!

So that means 🔥 you are freeee!

You don’t have to do what you’ve always done.

You can create whatever you want.  It’s truly up to you!

Change can happen suddenly, just through your shifted awareness and total devotion to what you DO choose.

You can learn a new way as you go, even in the rain, even in the mess.

You can connect with your backbone and be more vulnerable and open.

You are worthy and you can trust yourself in the leaping!

This auspicious Aquarius New Moon opposes Uranus in Taurus, so the energies are ringing a wake up call that could come in the form of unexpected or unpredictable things happening …

The energy is quite potent too as Uranus rules Aquarius.

So this means fresh starts, yet also maybe strikes of lightning!

Which can maybe feel life is a little disruptive, irregular or painful, yet it’s only here to guide you to a new and better way.

It’s time to rock that status quo baby and BE YOU just as you are—screw being made to fit into a box that isn’t yours!

THIS YEAR, In 2020…

NO more false light, false love, force, false power or using overthinking, overdoing or using anything (like shame) to bypass, project or control…

It’s time to illuminate the truth.

And BE the miracle, be the gift, let in love.

So this means that some tensions are created purely so that we can evolve into a better human and move ahead.

If you’re in flow, trust and soar baby!

If curve balls come up, trust these course correctors and flow in the pointing direction.

Trust your GUT and womb.  Like I’ve also said all last year, feel your way first—from the seat of your nervous system and soul’s essence.

It’s the journey, not a race so stop reaching from your mind.

Trust your own inner knowing and GO within as you surrender to the unknown and dance through the changes with grace.

No more siphoning, twisting, second guessing or gas lighting yourself…

No more bypassing your own body, soul or intuition.

No more over thinking, over doing or sacrificing yourself, bleeding out to receive or be seen.

No more operating your own life force from a place that is selling your soul to be chosen or loved where you are unwilling to hold or feel or CHOOSE YOU.

No need to reach and fight the mirror of the world for the already existing power inside you.

No more “grasping, doing, thinking” to “get” love or the life you truly, authentically want to love.

You only need to see YOU.

That’s the point love.

Be the miracle.

You deserve it.  So allow yourself to receive it.

It’s all about coming back home.

Are you willing to sit within the life force (power) that you already ARE and START from zero point?

This is about who you are and who you are becoming.

What do you choose in this lifetime?

Are you ready to rewire your nervous system for love?

Let love and pleasure “find you” throughout the day more freely and easily?

Manifest the physical life you truly want to create in your heart?

Come into harmony within yourself?


Inner to outer.

Energetic to physical.

Mother and Father.

Divine to Human.

It’s time we all go deeper into the return of ourselves this year…

Into the depth of our own unique path, inner authority bringing these higher frequencies into our dense bodies as we move into deeper alignment with Mother Earth.

The Year Of Masculine and Feminine Union


Anytime you are not recognizing the power you already are or reaching outside of yourself instead of remembering YOU…

Any time you are not being fully with the aspect of yourself that needs love from you, you lose, energy, confidence, growth opportunity…

It’s about being aware within your own whole, light and dark so that you can create.

Nothing should or ultimately can pull you out of your Kingdom/Queendom or walking god force unit unless you allow it to.

So trust yourself.

Stay willing to stay in your body and anchor sensations, feelings or chaos by holding it and staying present without judgment.

You can observe and be the witness.

You can be alone.

You can fully meet yourself and not identify with the present moment.

You can anchor in the mess just as you are and be worthy to create everything you need.

Even if that is to just learn to walk away.

And say NO.

Or find a new way as you return back home to you and continue walking your way toward your own Holy Union.

This is how we open up through sacred relating with each other.

Through right relationship with self and the whole.

This is our own inner Queen and King making.

And this is the only way to meet a King or Queen externally in the physical.

It’s truly through our own inner integration and receptivity to love.

I feel the world is now ready for the true embodiment of and true marriage of Mother, Father and Divine Child on the planet.

I am seeing the conversation around Hieros Gamos light up the scene since last October. The conversation is finally hitting the mainstream.

It’s time the masculine and feminine merge with each other from the heart chakra.

We must surrender into the body and reset the nervous system for “what is conscious embodied love”

All addiction, over thinking, do do doing, using excess medicine or substances, technology, or anything that causes the feminine to leave her own embodiment and natural state is greatly coming into light.

Any way we “hunt down the feminine” through false substitutes for connecting within the Feminine (Divine Mother enegry), including addiction to things, drugs, sex, codependent relationships, porn, junk food, impulsive behaviour, fixated appearances and getting stuck in your emotions.

These are all speaking to feminine pain body and mental neurosis.

In other words, all the unexpressed and unfelt stuff that needs to be anchored and regenerated back into raw power from being present and anchored in your body.

Same for the masculine removing his feminine shell and integrating his own truth and choosing real love.

Sometimes this is why we need to be alone and allow IN our own mercy.

It comes down allowing yourself to need and be truthfully open and vulnerable with it.

And being open to receive LOVE.

All attachment trauma is just your nervous system seeking to manically restore itself to full-functioning through experiencing security.

What is really being desired is total unwavering devotion and self-love.

This is what I mean when I say “erecting your inner King.”

You can’t erect the masculine within you without the devotion to love.  A King is integrated within his inner Queen through emotional fulfilment, a connection to erotic innocence, deep intimate love-making, a relationship to God and a sense of aliveness.

It’s crazy that our very fixation with “doing” is what is most blocking our ability to receive and grow.

We can’t anchor in new things and ways of being/doing when we are stuck in frozen obsession.

We must also open in the heavy and sticky sensations to receive and grow in a way that stops us from falling into the same repetitive looping cycles of hope and failure.

Our nervous systems are finely tuned frequency transmitters.

The only way for us to truly align with our highest path is by fully healing and aligning with our nervous system from a place of embodied “in the body” present love.

Yes present, anchored being.

Yes in 2020, we are calling in the energy of the Loving Father.

We’re allowing LOVE IN.

(Note:  Not to go too deep into this right now as (I am extremely non-religious) however this must be said.  The name of God has been so tarnished on our planet because of mind control, false power and dualistic religion—for thousands of years—we are much older than mainstream history says.)

It’s time we begin to restore this Father energy.

We can’t move deeper into even allowing Mother energy to flow freely inside us without knowing our own truth and being it.

When we do, we can allow ourselves to receive and BE or receive so much more.

You see, it’s a matter of divine balance.  Anchoring the Father within us, allows you to access your Divine Mother energy.

This is a critical step for you to “make it easy” and let love and pleasure be easy instead of so painful.

The more aligned to truth you are and embodied…

The more you effortlessly flow.

And so the deeper your power and magic will run.

One cannot create or access the magical and mysterious manifesting powers of the deeper inner feminine until one is anchored in their present body with what is and fully WITH IT “alive and unfrozen” as so able to create with it raw resource.

We can’t co-create when we are frozen in our nervous system and stuck in our heads.

Where we are not wild;  free with what is. Where all feeling and sensations physically present in the body.

Instead, we are frozen.

And again, when our hearts are hardened and nervous systems stuck in neurosis painbody, can’t create “new” from this place.

The more work we do within by deeply loving and accepting all “parts” of ourselves and sharing them with one another the more these energies can rise and root on the planet.

It’s not about top down, from your head, into your heart…

It’s about feeling in your soul first, from the bottom up.

It’s about taking our collective pain out into the fields where the soil is fertilized with our tragedies and transmute them.

It takes the loving power of presence, and this embodied being is able to turn the sorrows of our past into seeds of love and plant a field of compassion for all of Earth to live in.

It all starts within and restoring our own loving devotion to the Sacred Mother and Father.

Living our lives in devotion to our OWN INNER MARRIAGE.  The sacred marriage of healthy and balanced divine masculine and feminine energies.

This requires coming to terms with our own desire and lack mentalities, and anyway we would unconsciously or consciously use another to “fill a void” or numb ourselves from consciously inhabiting our vessels, and healing our embodiment trauma.

This is why even from an alchemical standpoint, whenever “she” looks for “him” she is disappointed.

He will never show up in the seeking. He is always there within.

For a man to come closer to a woman he has to feel that she embodies this energy fully within herself.

The moment she seeks it outside of herself the Union is broken. He will run and she will feel abandoned.

The could also be seen the same for a person and how they manifest with the Universe.

You are the universe and the universe is YOU.  It’s all happening *FOR you and you can see this when you’re willing to GO WITHIN.

The key is to hold our deep longing and naked truth open to the sky, with full faith at the same time as continuing to do your authentic work and bringing sacred marriage within.

We must choose ourselves.  We must return home.

Physically and energetically.

It’s Time To Return Home


No more siphoning or using yourself (against yourself) in order to get something.

No more giving yourself to dynamics that keep you seeking for love outside yourself…

We cannot continue to give ourselves to situation that siphon away our soul.  We cannot submit to the relationship dynamics that keep us seeking for love outside of ourselves.

It is all within.

When the Mother energy in us is without the loving safety, provision and anchored holding of the Father (physical; micro) leaks energy through over feeling, over creating, trapped in illusion or becoming manipulative (energy reversals around receiving in body love) and self destructive.

The Father without the loving wildness, devotion, receptivity, grace and acceptance of the Mother (energetic; macro) will over penetrate, over “do” and become obsessed with his own hunger for power and recognition instead of honoring present love and wisdom in his higher heart.

Together, in loving Union, they rebirth the presence of purity and innocence again on this planet.

Yes, it’s time to give ourselves what we never once received.

Can you be your own choice and mercy?

Can you hold yourself with honor and grace, wisdom and love as you return each soul fragment and mental neurosis back into the body… back to Eros and raw primordial energy so you can create the new with it?

Give yourself permission to rise.

You CAN erect your inner King and feel safe and held to flow and receive with ease, deeper into the magical birthing cauldron of your inner Queen.

Both needing each other in Union.

Inner to outer creation.

A walking god force of pure being that knows its provided for.

Yes love, it’s time to surprise yourself.

Remember yourself as you retrieve lost parts and choose to make love.


Staying with the sensation, staying in your body…

Keeping your heart open even after the mistake.

Not Making It Wrong


Just trusting what my soul knows and needs next.

I feel like I am finally slowly rising from this deep soul seat and cave of initiation I’ve been in.

Deep within my womb.

Finally listening all in.


It’s time to be and do new things.

And this year I want to share more openly with you …more freely.

More often, in short connections and messages.

With my voice.

I don’t want to write long updates in a way that puts stress into my life because I never feel like they get done on time.

There’s so many other things I want to do for you (like new Tarot and Chakra products) that – in the spirit of change and new things – require me to take a step back from such long blog posts, and focus on efficiency, and helping as many people as possible.

Also, I want to move deeper into my own practices and lifetime studies this year and travel around and share!

I want to be working on bodies again. Not typing on a keyboard!

So I’m going to start offering easy ways that I can capture the organic energy of the moment and putting it on audio.

I’ll still write shorter updates and soul notes but I do want to clear the space on something I am feeling BIG in 2020.

All I am here for is to provide a safe and clear space to lead you back home to yourself.

If you’ve been reading my emails last year or longer than you’ve heard me say this again and again.

You are you own deepest healer and you must drink your own medicine.

This year is about the integration of all opposites within and without and so it’s really a choice of perception and new ways of Being.

Are you willing to move from duality and (fixing, chasing, grasping, searching) into the now and open AS the already existing power inside you?

Are you willing to stop leaving your body and soul and stay with the wildness alive in your body and co-create and make love?

Are you willing to anchor into the present moment and co-create new things?

Try This Co Creation Affirmation:


Repeat after me…

“This year is removing my own barriers to love and being present, so rather than placing energy on what could be, I center presently in the now and create. I open up to receive.

Being grateful, happy as I am,I choose to honor all experiences. Grateful to the shadow, old shackles, gifts and challenges.

I’m open to what brings me back home to my authentic truths and desires. Right relationship with myself.

And as I integrate and know my own whole, I draw conscious connections; even physical union (or greater aligned community) toward me.

I take FULL OWNERSHIP for my own empowerment, work, honesty and naked truth. To know anyone else, I must know myself.

To truly see, I must see myself.  Remove my heart armor. Open my belly. Speak from my truth.

Even as the old crumbles away.  I inner-stand that light creates chaos as it challenges old structures—just like it does for a human being waking up. I’m willing to surprise myself!

I realize I don’t have to do what I’ve always done. There’s no one else’s expectations I must meet. Instead of placing energy on “should’s”, I create from what is.

I receive truth even if I wasn’t expecting to see it, knowing there’s no new life, birth or creation without also breaking down the old; this is sacred too.

I honor my truth and deepest purpose to follow my own heart beat path. I command clearing this moment all distortion and unconscious realities from my field. I claim myself from within sacred (I AM) heart space within.

Old dramas are finding new ways to express as I ground them and choose love. Finding flow with this new energy, keeping my nervous system open to new beginnings.  I go within. I take space for me.

I discern when to change my surroundings. I change the station. I know when to erect and live by own truth so that I am not consumed by old, trapped emotional neurosis.

At the same time I also freely feel whatever I feel and let it move me as I b-e.

Joy, grief, tenderness.  All, is welcome. I know I cannot bypass my body in pursuit of healing past trauma.

No more drama looping. The way through is, no resistance. I trust I am going through exactly what I need to return back home to myself.

I am seeing the magnetism and power within me begging to be seen. Love asking to be remembered and honored.

I am connected to my inner guidance and will choose my inner knowing and move forward with eye seeing faith of my own heart knowing.


I am freely and easily given love and I freely and easily receive love.  When I am aligned to the natural love codes of my being, I am easily given what I ask for.

Yes, I honor pain when it shows up “frozen” in my body and let it flow freely. YET at the same time, I realize there’s nothing I need that must be received through suffering.

I can go straight away to love as I am the author and every part of the Universe IS ME and supports me. I trust my own path, I embrace my truth and I open freely and easily to my highest good. I choose to drink my own medicine and believe in this medicine I am and bring.

I believe in a universe (self) that fully supports me.  Ending the war within and choosing inner harmony sets the stage for every expression, interaction and exchange in my life, changing the whole game.

I am not here to ignore my triggers, or numb myself to abuse—I AM here to retrieve and remember myself to the point where I longer engage, interact, crave, tolerate or even remotely choose being in the presence of abusing or being abused. The things I love don’t require my suffering, only my attention.

But if this is the worst case even devastation shows me the equal opportunity to either anchor my falsehood of limiting beliefs or allow limitations to melt as I walk through the fire of what isn’t truth or love, back home to what is.

And so it is, the more I honor my own inner voice and walk through through halls of my own inner authority, the less I’ll be drawn to conflict or need be upset or angry to follow or live my own truth!  And the more magnetic ON fire and available channel I’ll be to receive and co-create from.

The more the light of my awareness illuminates my path forward. The less I need to “dive low” to see my own light.


Yes! I can just go straight to love. Harmony within and learning what this.

Wholeness. Healthy Mother and Father within.

And so it is.”

Co-Creation Dear Alchemist… ✨


I am not here to be worshipped or teach you, I am here to demonstrate love and also be messy and ugly and human when learning what isn’t love (as I choose love).

Allowing myself to show up fully in my heart and nakedness anyway.  As I am.

I am here to love you and walk the journey with you as you choose you!

I am not here to be a teacher or a guru.

I am here to share openly as I integrate wounds, unite Mother and Father with us all and share depth, personally and within my work.

I am here to return fragments and reversals back home to my own present being (energy reversals meaning any way I am seeking love or anything outside myself).

In the year of conscious and right relationship within and without, I only want to support what is truly pure and embodied.

I only want to show through pure demonstration and spontaneous free sharing.

I am here to experience my own trauma informed work, allow my womb, heart and faith to lead me and share what shows up during my own healing path, of healing and sessions with others.

I am here to provide a safe, clear space for you to see you, hold you, love you and offer the return back home to you.

I know you may already know that, just feeling it deeply.

I appreciate your support and love so deeply in my bones.  I honor you following what is inside your soul and sharing it with me like you do.

I want your feedback and questions as I find new and different ways to offer MORE easy content that takes less grind/time.

Beside being more in my feminine with my work, I’ll be able to produce more content in playful, bite size chunks!

I feel we’re all being asked to keep our hearts open through even what we call our failures, mistakes and delays—staying in the seat of our soul and inner observer, willing to love—willing to birth—able and OPEN to create.

It’s all sacred and showing us where we need to think outside the box, abandon old habits, walk our unique path forward…

Expect miracles and allow ourselves to explore..,

Melt what is “frozen” in the body/heart/energy system so you can RECEIVE beyond what you used to be able to conceive!

So again, be willing to surprise yourself!

That’s why in the spirit of doing new things, I recorded my first podcast today!

We are calling it “The Energy Show” and this is Episode One.

Like I said, I’ve felt called all year to offer voice transmission.

And here it begins.

I want to start bringing you all into the little moments and not just long written energy updates a few times a month.

Yes time to release all the beliefs, structures, labels and ideas that keep us small!

I’m so excited for you to hear it!

Subscribe To The Energy Show On SoundCloud


You can listen on the player above, or tune in to The Energy Show – Episode One:  A New Cycle Of Creation here on Soundcloud.com.

With Love,

Crystal Aryana

P.S. Please leave me a comment below.  I now have everything set up to reply to you like I would on Facebook, so let me know how you feel in the comment section and I’ll be sure to see it!

P.P.S. Like I said in my Podcast, this will be my last “really long” Energy Update, as I will be doing things a new way.  I look forward to our future together and seeing what it holds!

Crystal Aryana

About Crystal Aryana

Hi, my name is Crystal. Since an early age, I've felt a strange connection to the Universe, so I spent my entire life seeking out mentors and teachers to help me harness my gift. Since then, I've been reading tarot cards, channeling messages and healing bodies around the world. Thank you for visiting my website and I hope to join you along your journey <3


  • Maria says:

    Dear Crystal,
    I hope you are better after your personal issues. It is amazing , for putting so much heart explaning what many people feel and don’ t know how or why. You just do it in an easy way and in detail. As you, I am also doing things differently, I took my own notes from the Pod Cast, and did my exercise of the to do’s for my balance: King / Queen – For my past, my present and for my real me. Don’t stop sharing your inpiration and guidance! Txs.

  • Tom says:

    great news, thank you for your energy and inspiration 🙂

  • Al says:

    Great first podcast! I’ve been trying to end endless negative looping for many years but I never give up trying to find that anchor.

  • John De Berardinis says:

    The first few emails I received from you, I just took quick glances without actually absorbing anything! Then 2020 came along & I felt that things needed to change within myself & my environment! What you write about has inspired me to take action, to stop procrastinating & seeing my self worth & actually start liking myself for who I am! There is still quite a way to go, but I know that your inspiration has motivated me to take action!
    I love the Universe & it’s constant flow of energy which I always want to be a part of!
    Thank You Crystal

  • Ramiro Rodriguez says:

    Wooooww ! Really Awesome Crystal Aryanna ! Thank You ! Will love to keep receiving more emails from you …

  • Charles De Roo says:

    Dear One´
    it´s a amazing feeling how you response to all energies and working out the purpose of your soul*path´
    it´s a very important sharing of information that brings us souls step by step closer to the world*family we are from,
    All the Brothers and Sisters that rech this messages.

    In Gratitude 4 you Crystal Aryana´
    Be Blessed in all your work´

    #walkwithcharles9 instagram


  • Seraphina Pollack says:

    Thank you for all you do. Love your advice. It’s very empowering. Sending you lots of love on your new journey. Loving it.

  • Glenn Dunn says:

    G’day Crystal
    Logically I have no idea how I started receiving your emails, but on another level I know exactly how it occurred.
    Thanks for your words and many insights. Your podcast helped me to make sense of the last 3-4 months. Been a very intense time as I have been rediscovering my inner power.
    Keep up the good work. Many people will benefit from your words.
    All the best

  • Marija says:

    Ko enkrat prebereš,se ti misel utrne,
    ko drugič prebereš,se ti vsaka beseda dvakrat povrne,
    ko tretjič prebereš,ti vedeti da,koliko resnice je v tem,da se poglobimo vase,
    si ustvarimo lasten dom,kjer tudi srce bo imelo svoj prostor,da svobodno zaživi,
    kjer bo odprto,in pripravljeno za razvoj našega duha.
    Naj bi bila vzpodbuda vsem,ki smo pripravljeni hoditi bok ob boku odprtega srca.
    Z ljubeznijo

  • Connie Frances Prescott says:

    Thanks Crystal I’m glad to hear from you reading what you said got me thinking a lot makes a lot of sense I’m gonna be alright I’m getting stress free and just go whit the flow being bless,

  • السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

  • Dear Crysyal and Katie:
    Thank you for BEING YOU…
    I have not clue how we linked up, besides SPIRIT, and that’s good enough for me. All I know is that I began receiving these email energy updates from Crystal a few months ago, and they resonated with ME beyond worlds. I heard deeply in YOU (Crystal), and in your words, this call to release the pressure, rest, shift, and share. And of course, HERE WE ARE, YOU did it, YOU are BEING IT/DOING IT… Thank YOU! The courage and vulnerability you show is raw, AUTHENTIC, and rare, YOU ARE AMAZING, YOU ARE THE REAL DEAL! WE share similar paths… Not quite sure how, but I’d like to be of support in any SPIRIT led way, perhaps even collaboration as you mentioned. I have a HEALING ART called Playful Spirit, which simply helps people get in touch with their inner child, through the magic of play. Of course I address the layers of adulting that many of us eperience as blocks to BEING our inner child, and BEING in the state of INNOCENCE, BLISS AND SPONTANEOUS CREATION, and ultimately, LOVE…. Most children I know are happy when they play, and so can we! I offer Playful Spirt Yoga, Dance, Playshops, and Retreats. I haven’t facilitated in over a year, heeding an inner call to go deep within, and make adjustments, NOW HERE I AM…Right here with YOU…
    Congrats on LISTENING to your GUIDANCE and taking ACTION, and on your 1st Podcast! I feel GRATEFUL I was/AM part of it…
    And Katie, thank YOU for BEING the backbone and all that YOU ARE…

  • Frosso Lambi says:

    Thank you so much for making me to explore my soul, my heart, my mind ❗️❤️


    Valerie Moreton says:

    Thanks sincerely Crystal, You are helping me more than you will ever know or maybe you already know this. So much of what you have just said is just so true, really you are very blessed and gifted. Thanks again and again as I am now honestly looking forward to just what 2020 has in store. Love Val

  • Kedves Kristály, köszönöm ezt a részletes gondolat, tapasztalat megosztást. Ezek a szempontok megegyeznek az én gondolkodásommal is. Nem vagyok vallásos a hagyományos értelemben, de hiszek a Teremtő Atya/Anya létezésében aki bennem, én pedig benne létezem, Egységben minden teremtéssel. A 2020-as év kezdésével megtörtént a váltás, régi szemlélet módomon, tudatosságomon változtattam, felszabadultam. Új tudatosság, új szemlélet változás történt ezzel a változással, megértettem, egyedül is megélhetem a boldogságot, nem kapcsolom feltételekhez. Érzem gyorsan haladok a fejlődésemben, tudom az eredmények fokozatosan egyre jobbak lesznek. Az önvalóm megerősödött, tudom mi az ami számomra megfelelő és ehhez ragaszkodom. Nincs bennem félelem a jövő iránt, hiszen én választok a lehetőségek közül, minden befolyásoltságot figyelmen kívül hagyva. Csak én tudhatom, mi elfogadható számomra annak érdekében, hogy békém, nyugalmam, kiegyensúlyozott életem megmaradjon. Nyitott szívvel élek, adom és fogadom a feltétel nélküli szeretetet mekülönböztetés nélkül. Szeretetem legmagasabb kifejezése a szerelem, bennem él, megélésének lehetőségét örömmel fogadom saját szempontjaim szerint vizsgálom, mennyire elfogadható ez számomra. Elfogadom és kinyilatkoztatom az igazságot még akkor is, ha az kellemetlen számomra, mert így tudom megtartani békémet, nyugalmamat. A régi dolgokat nem lehet kitörölni az emlékezetemből, de ezekkel csak úgy foglalkozom, megvizsgálom, mit hogyan csináljak másképp, nem bosszankodom érte, csak elfogadom, ez már a múlté. Felszabadultam, vissza kértem a lelkem tisztaságát.
    Gondot okoz számomra a videó anyagok hallgatása, mivel csak a magyar nyelvet ismerem és itt nincs felirat fordítási lehetőség, de az írott anyagokat le tudom fodítani a gépemmel. Hála és köszönet tapasztalásod megosztásáért, én így tanulok, ezeket figyelve. Béke, fény, szeretet töltse be mindenki szívét, Erzsébet vagyok.

  • Hi Crystal Aryana thanks for all these discussions and ideas since September 2019. Personally I am grateful for being able to access your writings and deeply thought and held ideas. I appreciate your commitment to excellence; either mental, spiritual or physical. I need to excel in the way I interact, interpret and apply my emotional, spiritual, and physical energy in co-creation. Hope I will find ways to be all I can be in order to be one with the universe and achieve my ultimate purpose all the time

    Be blessed,

    Yours affectionately JMM

  • It is with an open heart I receive your words. You have put into words what I have been feeling , for I am healing . I send you comfort for your being as we enter new chapters in the adventure that our life holds .

  • Angelina says:

    Thank you very much, it truly makes a difference.

  • Melissa says:

    ♠️✨⭐So inspirational Thank you for your inner Truth u tryly inspire me # Speaking words of wisdom Let it be Thank you This is music too my ears love you ♠️

  • Marija says:

    Lep pozdrav
    Ob prebiranju članka,ki me je osebno zelo prevzel,ne morem mimo tega,da ne bi vzpostavila stališča mojega mnenja.

    Ko se odločimo za pot,ki nam jo je dodelila notranja intuicija,in za katero smo se odločili,
    je to pot raznih ovir,in preizkušenj.
    Velikokrat se sprašujemo,kaj nas vodi,ali gremo v pravo smer?
    Vem,da vsak ima svoje cilje,le da včasih zaidemo iz poti,se zgubimo,tavamo,in iščemo kažipot ,ki nas bi pripeljala do cilja.
    To so zgodbe slehernega od nas,le da marsikdo se tega ne zaveda.

    No,kot rečeno.
    Tudi sama sem se odloćila za pot,na katero me je popeljala moja intuicija,in želja za nekaj–takrat–nevidnega.
    Na tej poti sem se učila,in iz izkušenj marsikaj pridobila.
    Spoznala sem,da vse kar se zgodi,ima svoj namen,ki s časoma dobi svoj namen.
    Spoznala sem ljubezen,s katero sva potovali po strmi,in vijugasti poti,se prepirali,kot otroci na nogometnem igrišču,
    kjer na koncu vsi spoznamo,da kljub vsemu,radi se imamo..
    Toda ni lepšega,ko sopotnika imaš,in ko mu kadar koli roko podaš.
    No,to hočem povedati,
    da to je tista prava ljubezen,ljubezen,ki ne pozna ovir,ki je v sožitju,in ne pozna ovir,in ob enem dopolnjuje.
    To je pot,ki je vredna vseh naporov,ko vse narediš,da svoj cilj osvojiš.

    To je samo osnutek,kajti poti so neskončne,ki govorijo svojo zgodbo,
    in vsaka ima svoj značaj za katerega misliš,da popelje te v raj.
    Kje je cilj?
    Cilj je ljubezen,ko z roko v roko hodiš,in vse prepreke prebrodiš.
    Z ljubeznijo

  • Love this podcast ! Over the top. Still sinking in!

  • Rose says:

    Good Morning Crystal!
    Thank you for your motivating insights of the universe and what it brings us and how we need to share it with others. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost my one and only daughter Anna Maria 8 yrs. ago and I am still filling the hole in my heart.
    Hugs to you….Rose

  • Felicidad says:

    My dear friend am so happy for your great news for me ,advises what to do and what to omit .I love reading your messages and hope also i will soon receive the universal gift in 2020 that I” m waiting crystal clear Cryste .
    Its really inspired me that I have hope in the future.
    Thank you very much hope to hear from you again .

  • Benard says:

    I appreciate your reading! It brings me closer to what am up to after many hopeless years.ive learned much and I welcome your services

  • Anaan Dailhe says:

    Jan 27, Anaan)…so comforting to read your words, the clarity and the strong mission of your soul to communicate truth.
    yes, I hear you and I thank you for all humanity.
    Have no social media.

  • Dear Crystal
    Reading all you have written has inspired me I know I am stuck in a life I don.t want and I know there is more out there for me, just find it so difficult to grasp
    Love Frederick

  • Maria Tawhiri says:

    Thanks for the great news . Like reading what you have to say makes a lot of sense to me

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