What I Do In My Darkest Moments

By December 11, 2021 Uncategorized
In My Darkest Moments

Hello loves,

Oh my, I have missed you…

It’s been September since you have heard from me and I have been going through the darkest and most “unknowing” period of my life…

What an insane few weeks it has been on my end.

I’ve had the most incredible breakthrough of my life in the midst of one of the most intense and confronting soul-shadow-body purges I’ve ever experienced…

I’ve been pushing up against this one HARD.

So much resistance, but as of about 12 days ago, I’m finally in a place of surrender.

I had to leave my house 15 days ago with 20 minutes to grab everything I could get into my vehicle with my daughter Isabella.

And to top it off that same day we got our test results back of being positive for RSV and Covid that same day, like are you kidding me?

It’s been that kind of time for me.

In fact, since my mother came out to Colorado to visit me at the end of August confronting Bella’s father in person with how she saw he was treating me — my life has been very much a journey of what is a “BIG DISSOLVE” energy…

Dissolving everything that is standing in the way of my own union within and the Divine path now finally opening up in front of me (the past two weeks)…

Yes = in the body surrender.

We can only grow to the degree that we can accept the truth without running away.

And after we moved to our new house in late October, the intensity turned even more up and the dynamic I was in, got a lot more obvious and difficult.

Since August the messages kept repeating getting louder and louder.

Surrender Crystal and choose you…

Since I last wrote to you in Sept and through this past eclipse I have been intimately experiencing whatever is left standing in the way of my own union…

And I watched my life be literally LIT ON FIRE the more I stayed in it the way it was “trying to give more love” and it wasn’t working.

It has been a miracle…in ways, seeing my own projected trauma being reflected back ten-fold to show me what is still left unresolved (especially over Thanksgiving)…

I am seeing where I was still chasing the false (fallen) masculine energy within me and around me as the intensity of the dynamics I’ve been living in had the heat turned all the way up until I made the decision, said “no” and left with my daughter.

(I will not have anyone threaten me anymore or threaten to take my daughter away because I want to leave, something that kept me staying in an environment the past month that wasn’t for me.)

Since then, in my life, in the people who have shown up, in my path forward… it’s like the flood gates have finally opened.

It’s like the things I’ve been asking for start showing up unexpectedly, everything I needed —even a 2 million dollar house for us to quarantine in, for free!

The people I needed to meet, the breakthroughs and messages I needed.

My way forward. No longer being “stuck in between worlds.”

And the more I allow this Death…

The more I allowed this density in my physical body to surface and what was blocking me from my own truth, the more my Divine path that I’ve been praying for, began opening up right in front of me…

Yep it’s scary, but this surrender is so surreal. And began taking in what I saw happening in the collective and around me too.

In this, I’m feeling a major shift throughout all the feminine collectively (enough is enough) as she is learning more of what standing sovereign IN and trusting her own heart actually means, tangibly and physically.

Now keep in mind as I write this to you, I am also trusting and I know this is happening FOR me.

I trust, increasingly, that every single person in my life right now is playing their divine role perfectly even when it looks like threatening me, ghosting me, betrayal, attacks…

Or a form of heartache/heartbreak, unmet expectations, things “falling through,” incomplete communication…

Or even a rapid transformation that really no one understands completely as to how and why because it’s all happening so quickly and mysteriously…

All in all, through these darkest moments I am learning how to trust MYSELF on a completely different level, step by step.

I am learning more about this relationship with myself (and how this affects my daughter) above anything else…

And I am feeling “what is” SOLAR masculine energy on the ground instead of continuing to beg, plead or chase the love of a fallen (false) masculine.

Now I feel this across the collective too. Like I’ve felt this before…yet now I feel it’s “crunch time”…

Where the rubber meets the road landing in our own physical body.

Healing the mother and father wounds through tangible, physical, union within.

Clearing false (reptilian) masculine and/or getting out of false fallen masculine energetics by raising your own self-trust, heart, being, throne, and King within (which sets my feminine FREE and SOVEREIGN).

And this energy could play out differently for different people…

Family secrets surfacing and ways being stuck in the collapsing “old” world…

An old boss, business partner, family or even friendship not aligning anymore from a true or authentic place.

Maybe being free of a long-held church or organization that is not for you anymore…

All ways of feeling of being oppressed or not heard or authentically loved.

It’s all coming to the surface to face the truth and to be FREE.

I am in amazement as I watched my path open up the past two weeks the more I anchored in the truths I had been avoiding because I “didn’t want to leave” which was the truth for me.

Overall for us all, I feel it’s incredible what God is doing for us right now.

I am blown away at the level of intervention and divine support from the multiverse coming through us all.

I feel the BIGGEST part of all this is that it is G-d’s play and always has been.

This is literally better than Shakespeare… we came here to bring and BE the love of the very ages with all the Mystery and beauty and heartbreak that entails.

And no one knows the hours or the days or the ways that our Creator will move and work through us in this epic chance we have together.

We are blown on this breath with the greatest of art and love.

And I for one, am so here for this particular kind of fire.

So may we surrender and fully face what we see.

Like I said, I’ve been feeling HUGE dissolve energy…

Not just intimately yet collectively…

And this could look like a lot of different things for you…

Perhaps this BIG dissolve energy for you is also in some way, a calling back.

A calling back of…


Inner authority.


No more compromising self for family… for others… for “love” as it’s not love.

A calling back of your distributed parts… lost treasures and self-trust coming back to you…

A returning home of maybe what has been held in larger shadows like family lineages…

Perhaps showing up as a NO.

No more “harvesting” energy.

A “return” of what was “taken…”

A return of what you gave away that was yours all along.

Perhaps a closing of chapters… full circle.

Declared endings of whatever you wish to end or declared fresh starts and new beginnings (yes it’s time to build the new, much more on this…)

All in all, I feel this is a reclamation.

“Reclaiming parts back to the whole.”

Maybe looking like Self-love for EVERY part of you, no matter what.

Maybe this looks like…

Forgiveness and ending self grudges, a rekindling of a relationship with SELF.

Or ending detrimental relationships and allowing death…

Allowing DEATH to show up and be seen… allowing death to exist in any form of what has come to an end.

For me, I feel a turbulent renouncement of all the commitments I’ve unconsciously made that keep me remaining small, voiceless, hidden, or divorced from my personal agency…

Anything that is stopping me or that keeps me separated from my voice, deepest soul authenticity, purpose, and flow.

Anything that keeps me from feeling VALID.

No longer chasing the support or love from those who don’t or can’t see me, or hear me.

I feel a massive clearing happening in all family units this past couple of months and during this eclipse series… especially OBLIGATIONS, unhealthy attachments or anything not truly heart-authentic which lead to co-dependent patterns.

(This feels massively connected and is a BIG part of the abusive Annunaki/Atlantis grids that have been purging but I’ll share this more another time…)

Overall, I am feeling an “uprighting of the light” and I am feeling like the karmic cycles of thousands of years FINALLY releasing their grip throughout the collective around me. (boundaries anyone?)

I am seeing so much around patriarchal systems, ideas, and ways of being like this completely falling on its face like never before… The secrets are coming out!

I am seeing imbalanced power and narcissism flip belly up and surface like I have never seen.

I’m witnessing so many who are in-the-trenches learning how to evolve their own narcissism through sovereignty as they meet real in-the-body feels with empathy…

All the feels.

The last couple of weeks and months have been a whirlwind of events.

Coming and going of so many friendships or intimate relationships. Letting go. New understanding.

Feeling your voice in the dark. Honoring your NO to access what is authentic and real.

“I’d rather be alone than living a life with people who make me feel like I am not enough.”

Feeling taller. Feeling sacred. Feeling ignited and activated for the New…

A new Earth is asking to be focused on now.

This energy is mad powerful…

Yes love, you know it. Please take care of yourself.

Sometimes we change so much that we can be unrecognizable even to ourselves.

Trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be in life and everything is working out for you.

The last piece of integration would be for you to finally Own It, darling.

That is when the “bridge” shows up and your new path forward shows itself.

Are you ready to exist alone or/and also share yourself in the truest and authentic ways?

Have you always known yourself to have certain passions that speak so deeply to your soul?

Do you have secret gifts that only those closest to you know of?

And are you ready to expose yourself as you know yourself?

Are you willing to face the thing you don’t want to face and set yourself free?

Are you willing to continuously face the dark as you make your way through the tunnel towards the light?

Yes, honoring your inner fires and honoring your body has never been so important.

Now more than any other time I’ve ever felt I feel collectively so much is happening “energetically on a physical level.”

Our physical bodies are wanting to release this stuck trauma and old energy more than ever — even as darker forces are working through some people to keep us down and our vibration low.

So build your fortress, protect your energy, and you build yourself at this time.

Take salt and baking soda baths daily. Move your body. Release stuck energies and raise your vibration through bodywork, through somatic practices, through dance.

Surround yourself in protective blue light, practice forming your 12-D shield (Lisa Renée’s work) very powerful and protective.

Clear out the clutter in your home and life and allow its death. Get massages and move those tissues and that fascia, light candles, use protective crystals, get energy clearings and healing touch, and spend as much time as you can in nature.

Speaking of which…

I posted a video the other day when I felt the darkest stuff coming up and wanting to come out of my body.

Sometimes the moment in need calls for trauma release from a deep body practice or it’s a call for timeline repair or quantum integration or soul retrieval from a more structured place…or just sitting within it all…

And other times, there’s no other deeper healing than just feeling and moving the energy as you physically surrender.

This moment you are about to watch in the video was one in which I was struggling deeply with what was wanting to come out of my body.

And what was showing up for me wasn’t just because of my own personal matters, but also over my biggest fears from the state of our world right now. (Frankly, I am terrified with how things are going in Australia, parts of Europe, SF, and NYC too.)

So what did I do?

I moved to the feelings and pain inside me. I made art.

(This is what I do usually by myself, not announcing it to anyone). Yet I feel it may be helpful for others to be able to witness me.

These are things I have not shared, but I’m going to start and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me anymore.

And I’ll be revealing a lot more like this from here on my journey and next to yours…

“What I do in my darkest moments”


I love you very much, I’m not going anywhere.

Crystal Aryana
Tarot Reading Daily

P.S. I was processing stuff on an emotional level very, very deeply.

Sometimes when I’m processing things so deep, it’s too deep for words – it’s too deep for me to fully feel it with words.

But by processing the info with my body, with free movement and dance, it helps me integrate it energetically.

It’s a much deeper truth, release and experience than processing it with words. Hopefully, that makes sense to you.

If you’ve never used dance and movement to process deep emotions before, this might be helpful for you as well.

Allow yourself to process “ugly stuff” through your body.

And allow yourself to be seen in your authenticity.

Sometimes being witnessed when releasing trauma is exactly what we need.

P.P.S. Just remember, no one gets to tell you what heals you.

You do what you need to do to process, to fully feel, and to heal. What heals you is no one else’s authority.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else on the planet thinks about your unique way of processing your pain and your wounds.

It’s your life. It’s your path. It’s your heart. It’s your soul.

Live it fully in your own unique way.

Crystal Aryana

About Crystal Aryana


  • Kenneth says:

    I enjoy your posts because I always can find a lesson within: Strength and wisdom flows through you. Everyone has the unique path that lies ahead in life, but there is no map. Living life as your own true self is finding your way down the path. One doubt or worry of anyone else’s thoughts will derail you. It’s not gonna matter if they approve or not. It’s our birthright to be 100% ourself. Thank you.

  • betty says:

    ton texte et tout le processus de révélation de toi-même que tu expliques me parle. c’est très difficile de se défaire des influences subies de longues dates. l’environnement qui est le notre à tendance à vouloir nous y garder pour son confort personnel pas le notre et forcement ça passe par des ruptures douloureuses à supporter j’en suis la aussi et je sens pourtant que je dois m’en débarrasser pour atteindre le niveau de sérénité et d’équilibre dont j’ai besoin pour vivre sainement. merci de ton partage et courage dans cette lutte que nous devons faire particulièrement en ce moment ou j’ai l’impression que le monde devient fou et ou les malades qui nous dirigent montrent quel est leur maitre au grand jour en ayant bien pris soin d’hypnotiser le plus grand nombre

  • Crystal my new future friend, lets face it you get the the emotional realities of all spirits. Funny how you do it through the body? I have much to say and see as the word WISDOM is both Wis and Dom. Without the Dom spot their is no room to learn from such angels as you. Let the fearful run from the faithful. Here I am, and here we will gather.

  • Louie says:

    Dear Crystal

    Your raw honesty is a gift to your readers.
    Such display of vulnerability brings you closer to all our hearts.
    I have caring family and friends [who caved into negativity] giving me their advice but not understanding my own journey.
    This gets quite tiring after a very short while.
    May we all have minds of love, power and balance.

  • Joseph James says:

    at times we are face with difficult situation but how we handle that situation made us who we are , you are such a beautiful soul with a beautiful heart , nothing last forever it’s well with you love and it’s good to have you back again stay focus and be strong ok.the sun will always shine

  • ELO Régis says:

    Félicitations pour ton parcours et surtout LA POURSUITE de son accomplissement quotidien ….
    Merci d’être qui tu es …J’espère pouvoir conserver ce contact privilégié ressenti par la proximité de tes messages , l’énergie explosive que tu exprimes si clairement et les espérances que la foi donne pour le meilleur à venir et vivre !
    Bravo chère âme soeur et jumelle de coeur , de t’être exposée ainsi pour aider tant de monde à se retrouver …
    Tu as de l’avance dans le développement de ton monde virtuel , interconnecté et actif , je travaille également sur l’accompagnement de mon audience à l’autonomie (par la formation à l’apprentissage de nouvelles formes de liens sociaux , communautaires ,solidaires etc … survival times !!)
    je défends comme toi les valeurs élevées qui font notre humanité quand on s’est trouvé digne et souverain dans l’adversité , et que loin d’abandonner on peut enfin potentiellement se relever et servir une cause d’utilité PUBLIQUE , civique ou économique .
    j’admire beaucoup la justesse de tes publications personnelles et leur côté intime , touchant et surtout empli d’amour universel et de gratitude en dépit des épreuves ….
    FORCE ET COURAGE pour toi et ta petite … joyeuses fêtes avant 2022
    Amour inconditionnel des Antilles -Martinique résistante-
    Nous avons la même approche dans le fait d’assumer la communication la plus authentique possible et de relever la mission de vie qui nous appelle .
    Je suis empath , Hp précoce visionnaire , en retard à l’insertion dans le ‘ système ‘ par certains côtés …lol
    à bientôt de te lire ou te voir … merci Chère soeur de coeur .
    ps/ je t’aime aussi quand tu danses . …

  • Raven says:

    Sometimes the words just aren’t enough. There is so much healing that can take place when you connect to your raw primal feelings. It was beautiful to see you embodying your truth through physical expression. You are a brave and courageous lioness, and your sweet cub is lucky to have you as a mother. Blessings to you both. Your story will inspire many. Keep moving forward!

  • Good afternoon friend I am Joseph me like you personally appearance me want to chat with you my phone number 07984110652 please call me I am interested in you sen you phone number please.

  • Kev McD says:

    Such a pure being,
    Thank you.

  • Thomas Murphy says:

    I love you too Crystal Ariana

  • Ginny says:

    Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t particularly like the reason, but it usually turns out to be something good in the end. I’ve been there and it isn’t easy, but I will NOT let someone, anyone, steal who I am. Long ago I figured out it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. You will get through this; you have a good soul and heart and many who love you. Keep you faith; I know you will get through this challenge and come out better for going through it. Celebrate each day for it is a gift. Take care.

  • Michelle Plamondon says:

    Hi Crystal, In case you didn’t receive this message, I’m sending it to you again through your blog post.
    It was my reply to your e-mail message on Dec. 10th.

    Hang in there in case you’re doubting yourself you’re already stronger than you think I know about long roads I’m still dealing with one.

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this and the rest of the shit on top of it
    I’ve been there though our stories maybe slightly different in the end they are all quite the same as a lot of us can relate
    Thank you for sharing your story just like anything else I believe the more we share our stories the more many of us well open up and share their stories and support one another
    So thank you and God bless you and your daughter
    Love Michelle

  • Sergio says:

    Hello Beautiful,

    All of us who have been touched by you are with you. You have our wholehearted support, I think I can confidently say this. Those of us who love you will support you in any way we can. Your writings have been an inspiration to me and have caused me to see everything in a different, positive light. Please continue to share and know that I am with you. I am sending you positive thoughts and strongly desire your well-being and Isabella’s. Your words and the feelings behind them resonates with me. You are embraced by love from those who read your blog and your emails.

  • Bogna says:

    Hello Beautiful soul woman.. I salute you! you are brave and courageus and strong (feminine way). I left my ex husband with three daughters in 2006 when my youngest was 1 year old. My heart was broken, and I begged for love from fallen masculine. It was all because I did not process my pain and anger, I was trying to appear tough when I was so vulnerable . I predict you will be very happy and joyful if you Just leave this pain behind and you do not close your heart. All life is in front of you. You and this beautiful baby should be pampered by the Universe… This baby is already true Love you are one too. You already have it all. You are wise, wiser than me when I broke up my toxic relationship which led me to cancer many years later. it is so if you do not process stuck emotions. I am just doing the work now. Many years overdue. I believe you are already doing your work in the best possible way
    Live your life on your own terms…. the Universe is on your side. Love yourself regret nothing. Much love

  • Tim Kelly says:

    You were missed, your life experiences, emotions, screamed out into the universe and were heard. As always the obstacle was the opportunity and I am grateful you crashed through that gate. May you and your baby’s comfort grow with the waxing moon as your voice vibrate in harmony with the perfect universe. As always, I love your style. In writing and in life.

  • Ani says:

    I, too, have been struggling with isolation, depression, and loneliness. I found out that I will be uprooted once again, and have to look for another place to live. Inertia has hit me hard, but I’m trying to come out of it. I am trying to be thankful for what I have (gratitude is attitude), and am throwing it out in the Universe that this means I will end up with bigger and better. Thanks for sharing yourself!

    • Kristin Kirk says:

      Your experience is shared in mine… I have had festering pain and feelings of uneasiness in fear/resistance of the unknown.
      I don’t know if this is the healthiest or most beneficial practice but lately I’ve been allowing myself to feel two things at once… even if they are polar opposites of each other. For example, moving into my new place, I’ve had feelings of gratitude and thankfulness but also feelings of anger and sadness that it’s not an ideal place for me. I like it and I don’t… and, for now, I’m okay with that. Love and light to you! I hope your new place brings you many pleasant surprises that promote love and healing!
      One Love!

  • Grant says:

    Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, you are a very strong and courageous person, a true inspiration. Thank you for being so open and honest, it really does give hope to people going through hardships.


  • Tristian says:

    Hey Crystal! First I want to say that you are a BRAVE SOUL and we need more beings of this essence in our world. I have been connected with you for 2 almost 3 years now, and I am always grateful when I receive mail from you. For a long time I was very confused about a lot of the emotions I was feeling and not sure how to process many of my own physical experiences, this was very energy draining for me. It has seemed although whenever this happens I receive your encouraging words which helps to enlighten me on my own path! Thank you so much for always being real and helping me to understand a bit more about what it means to be human! Always feeling the love and light from you and sending back positive vibes!

  • Carolyne Rossett says:

    thank you for sharing… i lost my husband of 39 yrs. going on 4 yrs. ago. then i lost my daughter which was 36 yrs. old 3 yrs ago and since then i have just listened to everyone telling me what to do… i have my 4 grandchildren to raise and i know i can do this and im gonna thanks to you….thank you again… carolyne

  • Hmm, my dear, am truly sorry for you and very happy that you,came out stronger than ever before.
    Still put your trust in God (universe) not man and He will see you true .
    God loves you,we love you.
    Stay safe and be warmly bless.
    Thank you

  • Mark H Debner says:

    I have been down your road very similar.
    You are lucky to have your daughter.
    I will have mine soon. I divorced my abusive wife a year And half ago. I have never been better. I have gone through All those things as you have. Things have changed for the better. I have those vivid dreams of 5 D world
    I have met the most amazing woman. YES the future is bright. Listen to your higher self.
    Hugs hugs ❣️♥️♥️ fund our own way to ourselves. Be happy

  • Eva Newberry says:

    Hello Crystal! I am truly sorry for your misfortunes. Things will get better!! During the pandemic in 2020, I learned a very important experience from someone I never expected. Someone who I have never met in my life.
    Maybe this will help you. I learned Self-love. From a complete stranger I learn to love myself and today I feel so very comfortable within my own skin.
    So believe in yourself and love yourself.
    Blessing to you and your family!

  • Honey crystal Aryana thank you very much for your cocern. Really understanding your problems is very hard. But everything gods decision, we are only the travelers under his world. So keep quite your mind and soul. God bless you from all the pain. ❤

    • Ronald Rey says:

      in my darkest part of my life i Pray
      and think positive
      things happened for a reason
      i did my best but my best not good enough
      i think like reading a book next chapter of my life
      like building a house it should have good foundations
      it’s my last life have many disappointed and i expect a lot
      sorry me
      but Prayers help me to survived and have many Blessings in life
      God Bless

  • Troy says:

    I love you too! Your a part of me like I’m a part of you! When times were the hardest you still thought of me and all of us. When times got harder you still never forgot me or us. You should be proud of who and what you have become and are becoming. I am proud to know you. I am honored to be a part of your journey and growth. I’m sorry I haven’t been replying and I’m sorry that these words have not met you sooner then now. But divine timing I believe in and now is the time. Now is the place and now just now you will read this at the right moment. You’ve learned to let go and you’ve learned a whole different kind of love. Regardless of what anybodies opinion may be. This love is the most different and difficult of all time. And its self love it’s true love it’s GODS LOVE. Not slefish but selfless not bragging but beautiful not for wrong reason but for every right reason that’s imaginable!! A gift in the trenches. A diamond in the rough. But no ordinary jewel why quite rare and forged with all of your being from bad to worse to happy to bliss it’s all of you and it is what IS! All truth not lies all real not forgery! You wonderful beautiful amazing soul I send my biggest hugs and btw I give the best hugs on this planet! Keep fighting don’t rush but embrace the moments that are yet to come.

    Your Fam Rowe!!

  • Teodora Obretenova says:

    I am very grateful you shared your pain and your glory. I am on the same page, as you. So I celebrate your spirit!
    Be blessed!
    You have my love!

  • Bia says:

    Hey Crystal… I started reading your stuff in the quarantine March 2020… divine timing indeed.
    I don’t know what to tell you, after watching your video I cried of joy and grief at the same time. You’re not alone. And seeing you reminded me I’m not alone either. I decided the last weeks to not quiet my truth anymore just to keep the illusory harmony intact. I also want to be seen fully and without a social accepted mask. Thank you for sharing the real and raw. I see you, I accept you, I love you <3 thank you for existing

  • Ruben C. says:

    Thank you for sharing this video with us, we can’t do without you Thank you for being you.

  • P. Roberts, Esq. says:

    Thank you for sharing. I understand you and celebrate you’re finding yourself again. I understand where you’re coming from also because I’m going through something similar–things that of happened this year, I discovered that I can love… And it happened in the most strangest way that I could ever possibly think of. You see, I am a photographer; and have been for the past 50 years; combat photographer that – – during Vietnam. Zoom up to today and because of my past photography of things that were blatantly disgusting, sad, and showing the Darkside of mankind, I photograph happy things these days; scenics, passion, scientific you name it and I photograph it! But, something new was added when quite honestly I found myself in love with someone who was quite younger than I! Of course this could never be; or at least I try to tell myself that but evidently love has a sound mind and is it’s own entity…… I don’t know what the future holds nor do I know where this is leading me to but I definitely know now that I can love another human being without remorse, regret, or sorrow. A few years ago you couldn’t tell me that I could love somebody THIS deeply because I didn’t believe in it. Most people might take love for granted, even treat their significant other with a flippant attitude; but to me it is something to hold onto and is within my heart, and I hope to someday find someone who understands that. To be sure I am still growing even at my age, and I needed to understand just what love was; and even though I have to be careful to not rush into things, my heart feels better for having discovered this.

  • K says:

    You are amazing! Been following you for awhile. Your emails, I’m not on Facebook. You are helping so many of us! I cry good tears every time I read your blog. You touch my heart and I’m sure u touch thousands. Cheers to your evolution and all of the rest of us!
    Sending light, love and healing to you and the collective, always ❤️

  • Atoe Jackson says:

    I love you! We are literally going through the same thing. I am currently 4 in a half months in mine & I just want to let you know the freedom that comes with it all is so worthwhile. The peace. The love. The energy in which in all carries have been so extraordinaire. I’m exited to see what comes from this breakthrough for you. Blessings and overflowing to you, your beautiful daughter & your new beginning!

  • I really very much support to your current situation you facing. Its very hard for you like with baby Isabella alone. Don’t worry God is great and find a way to solve the issues. Love you ❤

  • Juan says:

    What you ser living write know Is known as parte of live, so go on and hace strengh.

  • Ilidio says:

    Hello my dear friend
    I like to tell you that , that you doing a grate job dancing , is in did a good way to let it go , anything that would keep stack , i do it some times to but i prefer to go to a quiet place like moutains forests where there is planty tress , some times i choose the sea , i play with the water e get wet , i talk to the water , that help me a lot in the days of darkness years go by now , where i found my self , as been a battle , but when you make that decision for your self , you have to keep going on track , keeping your thoughts in a positive maner , this days i feel more ware of my self so is not so easy to fall dawn , i am happy with my self , and everything aroud me , there is no need for anything , i need this i need that i dont think that way any more , i have it all i have the kingdom of God Yeshua within me i have mother earth Gaia within me , all we need is just acept it , i don’t even need to meditate , because ive learn to keep that state of mind most all the time , when i see something trying to distract me , i corect my mind straight way not leting the mind taking control of my heart it comes out with dayly practice being wake alert to everything . This is a special time for the big spiritual change , we need to be in balance with all , if we only focus on good all becomes good we can not go by any one or anything from the outside forget the outside world go by just your self , and one more thing get rid of that tv that you have in your room that’s pure destraction .
    Love you .

  • Marija says:

    Lep pozdrav
    Tvoja zgodba se me je oprijela srca, in ob tam razmišljam, kako je naša pot nemalokrat trnova, in neizprosna,
    toda, tu je tudi del naše krivde, kako gledamo na vse ovire, kako jih odstraniti, da se ne poškodujemo.
    Ko se kakšna bodica zapiči tako globoko, da se zagnoji, jo je treba pustiti, da se sama od sebe izloči.
    Ko se rana zaceli, nadaljujemo to, za kar smo prepričani, da nam bo uspelo.
    Ko prebiram moje karte, kar moram priznati, da se dotikajo mojega življenja, v katerem je res nekdo trdnega značaja, in mehkega srca.
    Ne, ni bilo kdo, je le na duhovni ravni, ki predstavlja lik metafizičnega značaja.
    Glede na to, da sem v razmerju, je to moj skrivni ljubimec, kateremu sem prepustila vse moje sanje, in srce.
    Lahko bi rekla, da naj bi bil v tem primeru dobrodošel čarovnik, ki naj bi me popeljal po poti resnice.
    Vse je v magiji, s katero se spoprijemam že veliko časa.
    Če pogledam na svet, v katerem naj bi vsi živeli v miru, in ljubezni, ja v mojem svetu nastal velik preboj, za katerega bi lahko rekla,
    da je edinstven, saj nakazuje vso dvojnost, oziroma, drugačnost od običajnih izbir, ki jih okušam na takšen, ali drugačen naćin.
    Na dober, ali slab.
    Pri vsem tem se sprašujem, zakaj imam rada takšnega, kakršnega imam rada.
    To ni zgodba iz pravljične dežele, je resnica, katero srce pripoveduje.
    Z ljubeznijo

  • Lalla says:

    Hello. I know it is difficult to part with an underage daughter. I did it too many years ago. Now my daughter is 23 years old. Time passes and I have always had God’s help to provide for her. I am divorced 2 times and have always had the help of my parents, even if we don’t have the same ideas of how to live life, I know they love me. Every relationship teach us something. We need to appreciate what has been and enjoy the present moment. Our soul will tell us the way to follow, through our intuition. I wish you to find your soul mate who will understand you and make you feel loved the way you want. Many wishes for the new year and happy holidays. Know that money is one of the things people split up for, turn what you are passionate about into a “job” and get paid for it, so you help raise your daughter. A hug. Lalla

  • Jani says:

    Dancing is good way to relieve tress.
    Iam not light worker quite opposite.
    I felt this in my heart not with light,
    But loving warmth of the darkness.
    It is a Good thing you are starting to find a way to heal your wounds.
    The new world is coming we might not meet on the otherside, but I wish the light to prosper and be well.
    World I visioned was mutual ground for dark and light side by side working for life and healing. As it has been for eons.
    While we sleep and while we are made in womb we are in the dark till we greet the light again.

  • Tess says:

    Hi Crystal, I knew something terrible had been going on as you have been so quiet…. I too do tarot and astrology (no where near on your scale as I have to contend with x3 naughty children and a career I can’t stand!!) My heart leapt with delight when I realised the message was from you! You have always been my favourite soul deep philosophical writer. Open, raw, energetic, truth seeking (the list is endless), and VERY BEAUTIFUL in every way! ❤. As you have always said make way for the new and light even when in your darkest moments- embrace it all, grow, evolve, be your most authentic self. Just do not bother with dreadful self indulgent, selfish, self centered men. Which will be incredibly difficult as they account for 99.9% of the entire world population, and of course they’re all wondering who to blame for this constant global crisis and nature’s fantastic backlash. Am not apologising!! Here’s to the age of Aquarius, equality, respect, liberty, freedom etc….
    Go be and do yourself unapologetically!! You deserve it… I absolutely LOVE dancing and will show off whatever mood I’m in. Be true to you!! Bella has grown (as they do- wish they didn’t )!! Your video was very moving, powerful and brave! Well done for escaping!! I love you too Crystal- take care and much love to you and yours- it’s all as it should be!! You know it!! Xxx ❤

  • Linnet watson says:

    A brave warrior who has shown up , been an example to her daughter, that you only destroy your life as but your daughters as well well ,that some behaviours are driven by control. This is not acceptable and hard decisions have to be made, in life to be healthy happy and live a full life with some one who appreciates your difference.
    I do hope your daughters father also learns a lesson in life and be aware that he too can change
    Take care and be safe.
    May 2022 be the best life ever

  • Luke Comey says:

    thanks so much for this REAL sharing….

  • Tuki says:

    ” Stay Positively Strong ” Excepting and being non judgmental is how I get through tough times..
    “Enjoyed dancing with you..

    Cheers Crystal
    Much love❤

    Merry Christmas..

  • Angela says:

    Oh my. Wow.
    My story is soo long but I am comforted in knowing that I am not alone.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Warest says:

    I do wish you have known the mysterious points in human body. I do wish I could have been allowed to show you even 1 point … I do wish I could share even a small tip of Wasret’s soul with you…
    God’s tears and God’s anger… since Fall of Men, so many illnesses … COVID…Stala…M…C…MS… all contributed by the Fall of Men


    Wow! Your video is the most authentic side of you that you are willing to share with us here and I totally resonate with you and cried tears of joy for you. Just keep going with the flow now and each of us have to go through peeling layers and layers of our each unique onion path. Just keep doing YOU!!! Thank you for your unconditional love!!!

  • Zintle Skele says:

    Hi sister , thank you for sharing your story . I’m currently in the same situation with a men that showed me so much love but yet very emotionally abusive . His controlling manipulative his been though a lot himself . The only thing he know n embrace is pain n now his inflating it in me . I believed we could heal each other but he started lying and not treating me right blaming me for everything that goes wrong in our relationship .I’m leaving him hope god gives me strength to let go n heal from this . I send you love and light

  • Pam says:

    Music is healing and the freedom in which you moved made me exhale and reflect. Censoring ourselves is terrible! I too am seeking the liberation of speaking on what I experience without concern of offending or being rejected! I am not 100% there, but now when I do not honor myself, as soon as possible, I correct it!

  • Carol STENGAARD says:

    I so, appreciate you sharing, such a private and dark time you have gone, through. I went through a very similar time in my life. I want to say thank you, and your going to be better than ever

  • Helen says:

    You will get through this ….focus now on a better you and for your little daughter….I can understand that must have been an awful situation to have been in, but you are now out of it… time to let go of that past and look forward to a better life … yes many of us have been there… In time you will feel so much better, that you took that step to heal your pain…I hope this helps…

  • Amber Anderson says:

    Much love to you Crystal, I think it’s beautiful, dancing to heal, thank you for sharing that with us. I dance when I’m feeling great, I’d never thought to try dancing when I’m not feeling so good. I want to try that now, I think it will help flip me positive in those moments.
    I have been going through my own purge, uncovering, reclaiming parts I didn’t know I had lost. Realising I have been walking around with an arm or leg missing lol or both acknowledging my own true feeling, you know? Taking responsibility for my own life, I am the reason I am where I am, which is so powerful.
    As you said, life happens for us. We can see in what reflects back to us what we need to tweak inside. Think, move in the best interests of my own souls truth, the best interests of all. No more bandaids as I like to call it, no more stifled parts. Embrace all of me, all is needed to be my whole true self.
    I personally have struggled with emotions. I had become very detached. Everything was the same. I’m feeling more and more now tho recently I found another way for me to acknowledge them. I’ve started drawing the faces of women, photos of random women from all over the world just from on google, Their eyes hold so much. When I started looking, some of them I couldn’t look at for very long. Their pain seemed visible to me. I think unfortunately I could identify with that pain. The unworthiness, obliging, powerlessness.. idk where my drawing will led me, I’m about 5 women in right now. It’s interesting to me to see my journey reflected back in the faces and eyes of the women I’ve been drawing. With some I see freedom, embracing their natural self. That’s the goal.
    Your post made me consider sharing my drawings. Things about me only my closest know. Perhaps I will. So thank you. Sending you and your little one unconditional love. You are paving a beautiful path forward for both her and you. Such a powerful thing, it makes me smile.

  • Stacey says:

    I just went through a similar experience with a newish boyfriend who revealed his alcoholism and cocaine use over time, and showed me that he would lie and go against my wishes to take care of his addiction. It was painful to leave, but I can’t allow myself to be in that codependent relationship dynamic. We got this! I have to keep reminding myself that I come first. And so do you!

  • I thank you sweet lady you are a free spirit I send lovelight to you an your Daughter I know this stuff I’m a reader of the runes an tarot I’ve been a rebel only for what I believe against Mans control over beings we are all free spirits thank you again stay who you really are love Peter Gerard Fack

  • Phyllis says:

    Iam so proud of you for finding yourself. You deserve only the best out of life. As for my life iam am scared that I have physical problems and it’s hard to make one doctor apt after another when your not feeling well. My husband and I have become house mates after 24 half years. We have very little in common and 71 iam not sure iam ready to start all over. My first priority is to make sure iam healthy. That’s what I choose to focus on first. Take care of yourself and hold your daughter close you both are going to have an amazing relationship.

  • I truly understand…re evaluating my life and energy as the world turns…

  • Jamie says:

    My ex stole my daughter and part of my being on Black Friday 2011. I still have good days and bad days. My life is still a up hill battle. For some strange reason I feel as though I am made to be the enemy. I am happily married. We have two lovely children. My ex doesn’t allow me to see our daughter. She doesn’t like me.to much. I refuse to bad mouth my ex although I am not so sure his family did not show me.the same respect. I kick myself all the time because of how oblivious I was about my situation. My lack of knowledge in law took the ball right out my court. I felt betrayed by the law my ex and a lot of the people I called family and friends. I had a few close friends that felt my pain. My husband helped me with lawyer fees and held me on bad days. He lays in bed with during the holidays when sometimes I can’t get out of bed. He endured my actions,frustrations, and punishments, because of my lack of trust and deep hurt I still suffer through. I can’t promise it won’t ever hurt but it does get better. I am currently looking to get back into school. I want to help other people like me so they can get through stuff like this
    I’ve suffered abuse also. On dark days, I cried sometimes even broke stuff. I went into the wild and screamed until I could no longer scream any more. I made excuses for these people because I didn’t want to except the fact that these people were selfish and did not have my best well being in mind. Once I excepted these people were jerks and I didn’t deserve the treatment I received, the days got much easier. On my darkest of darkest days I allow myself to grieve and lay in bed. I promise tomorrow is a new day. Tears heal the soul and boy have I shed a lot. We women need to understand we are Goddess and should be treated as such. You are in my thoughts

  • Stacy says:

    Thank you for sharing this… You are so strong, courageous, and inspirational!! I love you sister, and I am so proud of you!! ❤

  • Barbara says:

    So much of what you wrote about resonated with me… so thanks for sharing and being so raw and open! I am definitely in a place of surrender right now, facing all of my past traumas and hurts! I am truly getting to a place of releasing everything that no longer serves my highest good and learning how to love me again and put me first.

  • Jonnetta says:

    I’m lost for words, because I’m going through traumatic moments, I’m trying to find peace….. I really appreciate you sharing your darkest story with me. I’m working on writing my book so my story will be told also. I like to help people also in you are a dear friend of mine. Stay strong and continue with Faith everything else leave in God’s hands.

  • Dr. Baltazar Longoria says:

    Sorry you have had to go through such a difficult time this close to the holidays. May God pour his blessings on you.

    Dr. B. Longoria III, Esq.

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