Take Accountability - Own The Mess

Hello beautiful human soul…

***Warning: Very raw and vulnerable personal share at the end. Thank you for holding in advance.

How is this week of the Lionsgate unfolding for you?

Have you ever felt guilty or “less than” when you crash energetically after a period of everything flowing and falling into place?

Or even when the old things “no longer working” keep crashing and you don’t know what to do yet?

Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t handle your own emotional “messiness”?

Or felt like you were letting others down because of promises you made when you had a ton of energy and everything was going well…because later you are in the downside of your energy cycle and just can’t follow through?

And then begin to feel overwhelmed, stuck, and heavy?

Unable to figure out how to get out of the messy state that you are in?

Feeling trapped in your own energy?

If so… then today’s juicy content message is for YOU.

We’ve been building to 8/8 since June.

The energy is strong. Some may even feel they are coming across things or people interfering or nefarious forces trying to throw you curveballs.

But don’t give in to the distractions.

Your light shines brighter these tough moments when you show up and harness it.

I’ve been feeling so much of the energy of those learning MASTERY and yet still dealing with conflict…

Maybe communication.

Maybe others want for you vs. what you purely and authentically know or desire.

Between the old ways and those stuck into them (and the past) and the new.

(Speaking of which, shared this in my last email when intro’ing some of these sentiments…)

This entire summer 2021 has been such a life-pivoting time of wrapping up the old and stepping into the new…

Yes… since the beginning of July, we’ve been feeling the Lionsgate.

The intensity of personal accountability has been coming in tenfold lately…

For myself, it felt natural to feel a “crash” in my body after all the expansion (along with solar energy) in my life lately.

It’s true, I shared things like this before and yet there are still times I fall into low density after a blissed-out state, and even though I knew what was happening intuitively, I’ve still “labeled it” and felt feelings of shame, rejection, or confusion.

I jumped so high and then was shown core wounds that have been again controlling my outlook on life…

I felt this again intensely during this summer stepping in and out of pending timelines for the rest of the year…

The deeper I sink down to meet my wounds face to face, the more I realize we are all not just differently gifted, but that we also process differently…

Those who are very attuned to their body may process (like a quickening) faster than others, but all ways of processing are beautiful.

Yes, feeling is healthy when it is not a “mental experience” yet a sensory immersion.

I encourage you to not get stuck in the mental-emotional swamp and pathologize feelings but to feel the raw sensations without any label or meaning.

I feel it’s dangerous to get stuck in a processing loop where we have to keep feeling the pain or subconsciously recreating it as part of our safety net; identity and paradigm.

At the same time, we can not bypass or repress doing the work.

We must be authentic to what is.

To fully own it with BOTH feet in.

And practice Grace by being available (Ie not abandoning) within our own being and body.

For me, I love stillness practices, energy movement practices, and physical body practices. Everyone is different.

The more I drop in my body and live from here, I notice the healthier and cleaner my mind, clarity, and daily focus are.

The body is able to heal the mind. Without our doing.

Yet with our being.

And the more I assist myself in being quiet within and emptying my mind as I’m IN my body, the more potent and intelligent feedback I receive about my own sovereignty or (already wholeness) power within.

My quiet time also influences any live feedback exchange that I may choose with a few trusted people which is also how I will dismantle stories and programs that have been running and yet that I’m ready to confront.

But yeah, both feet in, even when I’m in the “low parts” and recalibrating from the expansive …

Recently I’ve had soooooo much outreach on how to understand these “energy drops” within my own experience and within my sessions with others…

No, I am NOT giving so much power to the purge…

Yet to honor it is the NUANCE and key.

The MESSY AS-IT-IS purge is a necessary part of this expansion…where you can contract and then expand, just like breath energy moves in this way.

But this is the opposite of attachment.

This is about taking accountability.

Sometimes empaths believe “well, this is their projection or all someone else’s stuff…”

Hmmm, well, let’s look at that deeper…

If my stuff can push you to “drop” your energy, then really, your stuff looks like my stuff and our stuff is reflecting back and forth to each other as an opportunity to heal…


We are all doing this all of the time, especially the more in tune we are with our empathic ways.

Of course, these days so many people want to be a guru and to “teach” like the very fitting poem I felt called to share with you, at the end of this email.

True, so many just want to consume and feel better for the moment.

Many just want to dictate, control, and lead from a falsely empowered place (who are in a codependent relationship with the people they “help” which as you know, isn’t real)

Welcome, empath friends, to the sh*t show and why there are so many rigid psychopaths who seem to be “conscious” yet are deeply not in their own bodies.

Plus, these days there is such a pull these days to blame it on astrology or the partner or the teacher or the parents or the “whatever.”

And yet, at the end of the day, there is only You.

And you are evolving at your own pace.

And you are feeling your feelings.

And you are experiencing your core wounds.

And you are feeling love.

And you are responsible for You, no one, or nothing else.

Can others have an impact on us?!

Yes, of course!

And you still have to choose how to move through these impacts and find yourself in the midst of so many moving pieces.

And with the cancel culture movement these days, I’m not sure that abandoning the person, place, or thing that’s causing you to drop or feel “negative emotions” is the answer.

Nor do I suggest allowing yourself to be abused.

But these lines are very fine and must be looked at from all angles of what’s happening.

For me, I am becoming more intimately aware of my triggers or places I am victimizing myself without coddling or wallowing…

But with curious “innocent eyeballs” look at it, map it out, then feel it and release it. When I’m ready, I nurture something new.

Sometimes I’m fast and somehow go right to the core timeline/topic/frequency and sometimes I’m slow and it’s a many, many layers process to connect the dots.

And either way, I am learning to trust myself.

Made me wonder the question:

What IF ALL OF US EMPATHS could all practice MORE compassion-in-action towards ourselves and each other.

For it takes so much courage to confront the Shadow and integrate the fragmented pieces of our soul without blaming the outside for our ups or downs or anything in-between…

What do I really mean?

I mean the real work as empaths healing our world is connected to being able to SEE the mess just as it is and own it.

Not to stay in the “emotional swamp” yet to HONOR WHAT IS so we can initiate something new (just like a portal).

This is the real work of empaths.

Being true to yourself, even when you feel your pain.

Even when you feel others’ pain.

Blessing the holy mess, without attaching yourself to it.

Not turning away from the raw vulnerability of incarnation.

Being okay with the tender out-of-control not-knowing.

No longer attempting to “fix, make pretty, and suture” the oozing open wound of the raw and radiant reality…

And instead… how would it feel to TURN INWARD, opening, and entering?

Doing the real work?

And stay with it?

See the ugly, gaping wound for what it is without trying to make it pretty?

NOT so you can subconsciously coddle it or make an attachment or trauma (drama) pattern out of it, aka “the swamp” but so you can HONOR what is as you self provision something more aligned.

No longer turning away…

Yes, so many of us are led to turn away in a million ways…

The carrot on the stick of “spiritually arriving” and “being all ascended” like you have “somewhere to get” or escape to is only just one of them.

The real work is turning inward…

No embarrassment when the “dips and the lows” happen.

No shame or punishment in “what is…”

Allowing yourself to have what you need and in the way that you can show up for it.

The crack of personal empowerment packaged up as spiritual awakening and “somewhere to get” ascension is a seductive one — because it’s being used like a drug.

Instead of fully integrated as essence, it’s used as an object, attachment, or addiction.

Through this Lionsgate I am feeling the feminine in us all (women and men – I’m talking about feminine energy) is asking this question as we come into a greater Union from within…

Are you fighting new structure or new commitments of “doing the work” and forcing yourself into discipline?

Are you creating healthy boundaries from a place of love?

Perhaps you were once rebelling and resisting because of past programming where the old structures used to be controlling or repressing you, keeping you small?

I get it.

But what if, instead, your boundaries and structures were created from devotion through following your body intelligence and self-trust?

What if you see “her” and know her and radically accept her as she is?

True healthy masculine energy (balanced with feminine) isn’t about control.

It’s about devotional restructuring, from the inside out.

To see and LOOK at the shadowy whole and see what is fully needed.

Instead of hide and repress.

Or worse, as most personal development today is used as a clever way for our ego or “identities” to control our pain and shove our messiness into a box — all through the labels of spiritual teachings?

This is where I’ve been journeying lately…

Plunging into the terrifying vulnerability of incarnation and not trying to change it, because what if what IS is not meant to be changed?

What if it’s the portal of Love and Truth?

What if, just as it is, IS the portal??

How would it feel to simply honor the mess?

To not try to shove the mess into a pretty little “spiritual box”?

And be courageous enough to self-provision and create something new?

And this is why I am focusing our community on all kinds of weird in-the-body stuff from here on out in my content and projects.

It’s also taken time to hire a production team and get a weekly schedule going, but we’re moving forward and I’ll have more time soon to explore practices with you on video so you can practice at home!

Not just energy updates to consume.

But daily, fun, and unique things to practice that put you in your body and in the moment which is where YOUR POWER lives.

Okay to end this post I want to share with you a poem from my lovely friend Vera de Chalambert…

I fully agree and am feeling it…

“Everyone is suddenly a ‘spiritual teacher’ these days pushing the proverbial crack of ’empowerment’. And even though you have indeed come with gifts to offer, like sex, spiritual teaching shouldn’t be engaged in until every cell of Reality is begging for it, calling for you by name. Until she makes her advances, cooks your heart in her furnace, burns up your false dreams and forcing currents, leaves you breathless and speechless and unable to long for anything less. Ever. Until then, please stop. Be quiet. Stay close to the ground. Ripen. Don’t “step into your power.” Rest into your vulnerability. Stop marketing sand in a desert. Get weary and tired and thirsty. Feel the humility of death in the scorching sun. Then, let the longing for the Real guide you… you might die, but you might get water from a rock. Taste it. Let it taste you. Then you can’t help but devote your life to Water. Otherwise, you become just another pawn of the patriarchy; a dead thing selling smoke, high on the violence of certainty. Pushing your agenda, your brand of half-truths upon parched, suffering beings. Don’t let the culture of rape speak through you. Soften and worship until God is inflamed. And flowing. Stay in the unknown until freedom takes you through every orifice.

Truth is an orgasm we can’t fake.”

-Vera de Chalambert


Sending you so much love…

“Truth is an orgasm you can’t fake”

And for all those who feel they are in the perfect place in life even when things get messy, I bow my heart to you…

And for all handling or facing struggles or conflict, keep this in mind…

Knowing your truth and living it more (coming out of the shadows) will sometimes upset others as you learn you and explore how to use your healthy boundaries (doorways; not walls).

Trust you can communicate what you really want instead of what you don’t want.

Healthy transitioning in life and with others, many times comes down to deeper communication.

Lack of communication skills can ruin everything because instead of knowing how the other person is really feeling, we make assumptions.

It’s where we read into subtexts and you may find someone communicating more with their head than communicating with you.

This isn’t empathy. This is mind narration.

Do you read between the lines or rely on the unspoken or subtext as communication?

Willing to slow down and witness your interpretations so they stop running your emotions?

We have two choices here… do we make it about the other person (the external) or go within?

Yes, sure the obstacle is the way. The way forward.

But realize, if the path you’re on isn’t currently leading you to expand your heart, soul, and mind…

It’s not the right way or path.

So go within.

Even notice how the edges in others can show you deeper growth inside of you.

Even your most challenging situations or life transitions…

EVEN your failures can be gifts.

Even your mistakes can engage or inspire others when you’re fully authentic, own the mess, and you are just yourself…

You are leading by example, even when you don’t know it.

Just by you simply being who you are…

When you are BEING ALL IN.

Nothing is more powerful or juicer than when you are showing up in life (in your actions) being worthy of your own love…

And organically pouring this out onto the world…

Again, I’ll mention that so much of what I feel has been dying lately is the way my inner child has run my life…

And to really sit still and deep lately with my inner children is major, sitting with the very children who pull at me so hard to try to “prove herself”…

Prove she is worthy, to be loved, heard, and seen.

This specific part I feel (and for me) is SO much the relationship between Mother and Child.

What if we can really ask for what we need?

And be able to open enough to receive it?

Can we no longer be responsible for rescuing other people when we are able to TRULY SIT with and accept our own inner fragments and the ways we felt out of control…even as children?

Can we not make our internal stuff about others because we choose love and to go within?

Can we speak to ourselves not with demand, resentment, or force—

Yet with deep approval?

With deep acceptance of what is, just as it is (facing truth as it is)…

And sitting with the parts of you that are still not responsible for building the life you fully want?

Yes, even for those of you where everything in life is amazing—maybe things can be easier and more restful…

Or maybe you are finally ready to step more out of your shell…

I hear you!

I am here for you!!!

We need you and all of us, stepping up and out and this is the part of it.

The “holding” of the parts inside us we abandon.

And fully bringing it back into the tangible moment.

The part of me that was not being responsible for leading or choosing love and receiving or making what I need.

It’s my job to hold “her” experience, let her feel, or let her speak.

And not to use it as a drug or object or tool.

Yet to feel her wild imagination just for the fun of it and in all her INNOCENCE blooming forward without a need for her to be anything.

I feel I am coming into a greater relationship with this part of me…

The part of me willing to parent within.

Willing to choose growth, the lesson, the medicine and to love, nurture, and nurture…

Just like you would a small child.

Love you.

Crystal Aryana

Oh, guys!

Want to add this vulnerable PS for everyone who thinks I have the answers for them…

Or think I have something for you that YOU don’t!

I’ve always told you I couldn’t and didn’t.

And for anyone who thinks I am speaking from that place please don’t put me on a pedestal.

I’m human and go through anything just like anyone.


For everyone who thinks I’ve got my shit together…

I very much do not! For example…

I’ve had some “Body practice videos” recorded I’ve been telling you about in other emails but not edited and it’s sad that so many videos of content pieces I’ve done for you have never been finished or published.

Thankfully this is changing. I needed better daily structures and I love to create but hate to manage.

Also unless I am practicing and filling my own juicy cup daily, the noise of friends (or family issues, etc) and even the world gets to me.

I’m often overwhelmed, exhausted, cry at the simplest things deeply, and having trouble getting out of bed before 9:30 am after being up all night with a 4-month-old.

Yes, this too will pass.

I’m also in a lot of low lumbar, nerve, and hip pain because of a spine fracture from a horse accident growing up.

This is why I started energy practices with my Mom as a child to help heal.

This is also partially why I’m starting a new livestream VIDEO community with leading-edge therapists, channels, and practitioners, where we all get to share our daily routines and practices UP CLOSE every day and hold and inspire each other! I can’t wait! ♥️😳

Not to mention that my very sensitive body has been pretty much incapable of digesting foods much of my life and low-key poisons my system every day! (I was diagnosed when I was 16 and 19+ with all kinds of digestive disorders with up to 34 food allergies (at one point) to Epstein Barr virus, to Celiac to Lupus, and so on.

Oh yeah, and my newly diagnosed “ADHD” has been wreaking havoc for as long as I can remember…

So what does that look like in real life?

I can’t seem to make consistent daily plans before lunchtime.

When I’m tired and in the 11th hour of my beautiful teething baby, I literally have no ability or luxury to push through anything…even the things I love to be doing 🙁

Not even finishing editing the awesome content I did for you guys weeks ago (coming next 😂)

Not even replying to the BLOG COMMENTS like I said I wanted to do from now on going forward (which I feel like a horrible person about because I love reading your insights and comments).

And I have to learn to not beat myself up so that I can DO the work, flow, and integrate lessons in my own life as I share with you…

(*By the way, we’re making progress and getting closer to hiring the rest of our marketing team. I am opening up blog comments and exchanges on new posts as soon as I’m able to!)

But seriously guys, through all these years I told you that I’m just sharing the Journey and walking next to you.

I also never said I was awesome or perfect.

Just authentic to what I feel and see and I change and grow too.

Like living this amazing, strange life and learning how to put myself first, so that I can stop abandoning myself and ultimately anyone else.

Or how to grow a successful business around what is truly authentic and REAL (reality as it is)…

For me, this means only working with certain people and only making or offering products or content I truly know is working for most people.

Including, where the rubber meets the road of where I’m putting my real-life growing family FIRST…where I don’t even want to put my baby down when she is awake.

I have often canceled my important appointments at the last minute and not everyone reschedules.

I break down and cry about being a good mother and not being able to fully focus on my business when I need to.

Or focusing on my business and feeling sad when I hear my baby cry for me.

I miss opportunities because of my lack of sleep, the overall collapse of old things in life phasing out (ie self-worth) and because of my time, my body and system, and my entire life (and business) well, transitioning…

I still even find myself not even being on social media anymore because of all the noise and distortion…

And if I do, I get sad when I look at other people’s walls and what they are sharing as I see all the ways I’m not as amazing as what they are offering…

Yes, we all do it.

And I still have about 91 messages that I still need to get back to and I hate myself that I haven’t been able to yet.


I’m still so insanely taken care of.

I’m still called first when my loved ones need me.

I’m still an incredible lover, leader, holder, teacher, and friend.

It’s the beginning of August and I’m about to top my income from last year.

I still feel deeply worthy of all the goodness that is in my life…

I still feel completely capable of holding what I’m holding.

Cause here is the thing…

Can you truly see and feel that you don’t need to be “good enough,” ‘fixed enough,” or “anything enough” in order to have the business, the love, the dream life?

It’s truly time to break our narrative of leadership…

Cause we are ALL messy AF, love!

Yet, can we own it and LOOK at it?

This is the KEY.

Can we inspire new insights or intelligent feedback or take new actions?

Can we self-provision and communicate through the breakdown?

Conflict and co-dependency to sovereignty and creation?

Leadership is not about fixing or suppressing the mess.

It’s about being able to hold it. Truly hold it as it is.

And fully show up toward the long haul of self-love (a.k.a. accountability in disguise)?

EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has been a real mentor to me or who I looked up to and have gotten to know better is beyond messy (like, truly messy) yet they own it and show up with a huge heart in action.

So don’t ever use me, my story, my work, my words as another tool to beat yourself up or twist what I’m really offering to you.

Don’t even think I’m trying to tell you (or think I am) what you can’t or don’t already know, within.

That is why I’ve always told you (so you likely already know) that no one is a guru. Go within.

I am not a guru and I would never want to be. I don’t claim to be anything and so I really wanted you to get that clear message.

Don’t put me on a pedestal. Don’t put anyone on a pedestal.

I don’t have my shit together at every point.

And I don’t need to in order to be powerful.

(**Yet I am growing and building an amazing network of people and growing through better “systems” and daily organization).

Yet the point is, don’t wait.

Don’t make an idealistic fantasy of what the “real work” is really about.

It’s not about perfection.

It’s about fully being grounded in reality as it is.

And showing up ALL IN.

Can you feel that?

Can you see that you don’t need to love yourself to be wildly loved?

That you don’t need to have it all figured out to lead others?

And that you don’t need to be pretty to be powerful?

Think about it…

Your consciousness doesn’t care about your prettiness.

Only truth, reality as it is.

(Besides “He” WANTS you messy, wild, raw, and powerful just as you are 😹😻😛)

Completely lost as you’re riding him into your own oblivion.

Pure present embodied being and actions.


Here’s to real leadership, real truth and love anchored in the body and messy human AF, grounded in real-life leaders.

This is what is needed most in the world right now…

Real. Raw. Being.

And More Action.

As empaths, we totally have the ability to show up as real, raw, and vulnerable…

So, reflect on this…

How would it feel to allow yourself to be real and raw and vulnerable?

To own your messiness?

To still love yourself when you’re in the down-side of your cycles and not just in your blissed-out states?

To love yourself exactly as you are in every moment – during your highs and your lows equally?

You got this.

Keep going!

Love you,

Crystal Aryana
Tarot Reading Daily

P.P.S. If this resonates, you might also be an empath. If you aren’t sure whether you are an empath or not, OR if you aren’t sure how much of an empath you are, you can go see what your Empath Sensitivity Score is right now.

Mine was 29 out of 31. After you find out yours, comment below and let me know!

Crystal Aryana

About Crystal Aryana


  • Annick says:

    Mine was 28/32

  • Will says:

    August 25, 2021 at 12:35AM
    My Score was 28 of 32

  • Yamile says:

    Yamile Loreto
    My score was 32 out of 32

  • Alicia Nicole Maize says:

    My score was 29

  • Nicole says:

    There is no quiz. Just a blank page. Story of my life

  • Pat says:

    31 of 32 I love reading your emails, always find them to be beneficial & supportive. It’s wonderful to see others responding above in the same way! YOU truly make a difference… thanks! We’re out here everyday trying to do the same thing!

  • Delaney says:

    Wow, this explains so much for me! I scored 32 points. I’ve always known I am an empath, but didn’t realize the scale. I love receiving and reading your email energy updates; they always resonate with precisely what I am going through in the world. Thank you for your raw & open wisdom. You inspire me to be proud of my empathic abilities and not shy away from all the feelings.

  • Stacy says:

    Mine said 32 out of 32.

  • Amy says:

    My score was 30. I feel you 😉

  • Mandy says:

    Mine was 23

  • Daniela Giglio says:


  • Nikita Tuesday says:


  • Michelle Allen says:

    My score was 30

  • Ken says:

    My first attempt score: 31
    Then my second attempt score: 29
    It’s like as long as I can remember , there has been times that I have avoided certain people cause they just drained the life out of me and I never knew until a few yrs ago the term or label “empath”. It seemed like a trend because I began to hear it used or overused it seemed daily. Never have felt like was at another persons mercy or blame anyone for the effect there energy is having on me. Everything I experience is my own and I own it , and I do what’s necessary to adjust or tolerate the situations I experience. Your insight on leadership is my big takeaway from this post . You always deliver exactly what is needed and relevant to my current challenges or bewilderments. Being told in every birthchart, reading, report done on me that I’m a leader hasn’t appealed so much until I read your take on leaders, and it’s not good that I overthink or have a doubt about leadership, it’s factory installed and all that’s necessary is to own it, be it and flow with it. Ever since the first message from you where you wrote “you’ve got this” it has given me a more love within myself and it is making a huge difference slowly but surely life’s improving.

  • lee says:

    oh Crystal..you just had a baby and have all the hallmarks of that in your post..I love that you are so real and messy..never doubt..out of hundreds of offers about the stuff you do I have only you on my mailing list left. the rest came across as not genuine..your post are always on the mark..because you are messy and real. keep up the great work of being you..blessings beautiful..from one mum to another..you got this

  • Lorena Ramos says:

    Lorena Ramos
    I scored 23 and it has been a roller coaster of emotions and I see people for who they are or their intentions it’s been quite difficult to express my self,feeling, and emotions

  • elidia says:

    I was a 26.

  • Natalia says:

    29 of 32

  • Natalia says:

    29 0f 32

  • Sharonda says:

    My first score, 32 out of 32. I did it again, 31 out of 32. I’ve always wondered “what am I?”. Now I know for sure! Thank you!

  • Donna Adair says:

    “Yet to feel her wild imagination just for the fun of it and in all her INNOCENCE blooming forward without a need for her to be anything.”

    That’s when I burst into tears… Your post mirrors so many stories of my life. If I were to write about mine, people would think I plagiarized yours! I wish I had more time to respond but my daughter is bringing my granddaughter back today and they will be here any minute. Thank you for sharing that, Crystal! *Hugs*

    I also scored 30

  • Kristin says:

    My score was 32 out of 32. I’ve known I was an empath for some time now. I actually have the program that is advertised with the quiz. It has been quite helpful. Also I’d like to add your post really resonated with me. I have been feeling just as you have and your words seemed to have been taken right out of my head. So thank you for all you do. I look forward to the new content to you will be adding.

  • Manish kumar says:

    My score is 22.

  • Shannon Lipka says:

    Scored 30

  • Elsa says:

    I scored 29.

  • Diana Owens says:

    27 out of32

  • Jennifer Munger says:

    I scored a 30. Thank you for all you do! ❤

  • Cyanne Mason says:

    I scored 32. Thank you so much. What you wrote resonated so strongly with me; especially after weeks of being “scattered” and feeling a little lost-after a period of time of feeling in “sync” and in the flow.
    After reading I had a feeling of “understanding”ME better. So true, honouring the mess or the shadow side actually changes the feeling around it. Doesn’t feel negative anymore!! Hmmmmm

  • Trine Steen Mortensen says:

    Thank you I could relate to it all and yes it is raw but true and I’m a highly empath

  • Cindy Durston says:

    I love this poem and its message of freedom!


  • Maverick says:

    I scored a 27.

  • Lisa says:

    Scored 30 out of 32.

  • Vita Angeli says:

    I got 32 tops.

  • Pamela says:

    My score was 30 out 32

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