I hope you’ve given yourself some time to rejuvenate lately within all the transformation…
Or if you’ve been in flow—I hope you’ve been taking lots of truth-inspired actions!
I’ve been feeling like a heaping pile of steaming “metamorphosis goo” so please forgive my absence the last few days.
This update arrives after the moon as I have been packing up a last minute decision to fly across the country for a profound, life changing event!
This time has been highly transformative for me as I realize more about my own feminine, innate power and my choices.
I hope you know how incredibly amazing and powerful you are, even when no one sees you breaking through!
I have FOR SURE put myself through the wringer lately, so I am learning how to work in a new way.
Maybe you can relate…
I’ve been noticing how addicted I am to work patterns and how unhealthy it is for me to continue the way I have been operating.
I’ve taken on too much at once and I feel like I need to get out of my own way, allow myself to play more, feel more and create as I step outside the box and into the small-BIG moments.
It’s feel the time is calling for us all to go deeper into being and this doesn’t mean “the grind”…
Its means trusting your own soul more as you surrender deeper into the void and break the shackles that hold you back—the spells that keep you asleep to your own magic and old ways of doing things.
Yet we’re only confined to the walls we choose to keep building!
So, usually ill write updates around the new and full moon even if it’s on the weekends to capture the energy, yet lately I feel like changing things up.
I realize I don’t need to do things the way I have been doing them and I feel something HUGELY magical is afoot in many ways and it’s all pretty overwhelming.
I want to do more video and short “voice clips” instead of writing these long updates and my team is currently marketing and writing help!
I am also taking a leap out of nowhere, packing my bags and going to a leadership mastermind with world changing people.
So many extremes in both directions! Such is the nature of the energy we are experiencing lately.
I feel the need to be/feel safe and loved, just where I am, just as I am and release, release, release what’s in the way of me allowing my light to lead the way!
It’s been a lot lately, so I understand the deep renewal, exhaustion, recharge and profound transformation you may be going through!
I am hearing “you can trust yourself to shine without self restriction and self rejection” — so this is part of the message!
So I know I need to nourish myself. Give myself and receive the recipe of what I need.
Growing means change, turning into metamorphosis goo, unlearning the old and digesting new information.
And the only way we can unlearn/learn things is if we allow ourselves to feel exposed, throwing myself open into the unknown!
So I am stepping more into new places and spaces as I give myself permission to try new things.
You may be feeling a deep sense of renewal or totally drained right now, or both.
Either way, go within see what authentically remains. Only settle for what is really true for you.
Burn what bridges needs to be burnt. Surrender to the change, even in chaos and remain calm as it’s all for the betterment of you if you will it.
Why? Because, this Scorpio New Moon demands it of you.
A Message From The New Moon in Scorpio
You have a choice which direction you take from here.
How do you move forward knowing these new truths?
How do you choose to reinvent yourself?
Important truths about you and those around you are showing up so keep your heart open to the new ways and things you couldn’t see before, from a new light!
Feel all the waves of feeling washing through you, all the undigested memories, life force, feelings, textures, colors wanting to “come home.”
Yes, some truths and hidden feelings may be shocking or rattling.
Allow the energy to move freely.
You are safe to feel, be and exist just as you are.
Trust yourself and you’ll open up new gateways of seeing and receiving yourself.
The magic happens in the profound moment of choice, even when you are triggered, even in the breakdown.
Still the mind, even when you are upset.
Being still and observing without judgement is key as you “dethaw” old feelings in the body, let them flow and go, freely.
Magic happens when you slow down the mind, step into your authentic truth and consciously allow love IN.
The wisdom-rich moment of Source and CHOICE is so much greater than the attachments, roles, masks and security blankets you leave behind.
If you feel more drained than you do alive, go within and withdraw from all energies outside you and ask yourself:
What is feeding you, making your forests vibrant green, keeping your passions lit and breathing new life into you?
What is sustainable on its own and meeting you from a place of real self love, inner freedom and truth?
Or… what is draining you, costing you, taking from you and making you feel incapable?
Who is co-dependent in your life and forcing you BOTH to stay small?
And, is this what you want?
It’s time to have a revolutionary look at the depth and purpose we all share in life and relationships.
What do you want to create—what are your planted seeds of intention going into 2020?
What ways or habits are giving you life and nourishing you?
What ways or habits are draining you; or not sustaining you?
Choose and Align to what is breathing new life into you.
Even what drains you —realize it ALL is a helpful, inner compass, showing you new paths and routes when you’re willing to receive the info intelligently and remember yourself.
You are safe to feel naked and stripped to the core and still be powerful (check within!)
You can gather great wisdom here, so long as you are able to be radically honest with yourself…
How can I explore a deeper purpose in this situation —what is the gift?
How can I create a deeper level of connection and happiness within?
What is love to me?
What is operating as manipulation, addiction/attachment?
Ask yourself these questions and you’ll start to receive info. Do your research.
See things for what they are and choose what you want by giving it to yourself in smaller bites.
What do you really want to create from here from a soul level place?
What are you willing to BE the recipe of, that which you want to attract outside of you?
This entire year has held a theme of being accountable—being your own healer, lover, creator.
This profound, magical manifesting energy is demanding that you to take the leap and trust all the way…
So this means throw out the crutch, cut the chords and burn up the last remnants of the old that is screaming to die, especially before you head into 2020.
It’s time to trust yourself more than you ever thought you could as you enter new worlds.
No more being available for abuse.
No More Self Torture
You don’t owe anyone your exhaustion or your sacredness.
Being drained and depleted isn’t love, to them or to you. If you are choosing and being love—trust yourself and go for it!
People don’t usually reject who you are, but when you are not being who they think you should be. So let others be.
Can you let your natural light shine and stop finding ways to not feel good enough?
It’s not about ignoring what’s wrong.
You can soul retrieve and connect within (heal and remember) yourself to the point where you no longer engage, interact, crave or even tolerate being abused.
You don’t have to match anyone’s energy. You can be true to your own, as you attract what aligns.
You can detach yourself from the need to be understood as you flow in you own self authenticity as stay coherent!
You can let who and what will be as it all will reveal itself around what it most TRUE for you at a soul level, because you honor your own soul!
You are growing bigger than these self constructed limits.
You’re being asked to clear and wash out all the old beliefs and obsessive, addictive crutches, habits and skeletons you no longer need before 2020.
Your soul wants you to find a new way as you evolve past what you thought was possible.
Honor the truths; the things and events that came up.
They are happening to evolve your soul on purpose.
It’s happening so you can listen to the voice of your soul and heal yourself, instead of listening to the voice of your ego demands, sabotage and wounds.
No more participating is dramas or activities that don’t serve your soul and make you feel honored or loved.
Again, this is NOT about “not trying to be triggered” by abuse. This isn’t numbing yourself, nope.
It’s more about seeing what’s inside you that engages with trauma or drama, so that YOU can take care of you AND feel safe to return those disowned and abandoned parts of you back HOME into the conscious light.
It’s neither a fortune or misfortune. There’s always a gift.
Yes. Be the light and let it shine. Yet, when the shadow comes up, honor the trigger.
See it ALL as a call for that piece of you to come back to love and wholeness.
Don’t make “it wrong”. There’s nothing wrong. It’s more about letting love IN.
Again, it’s not about numbing or not trying to be bothered. It’s not about discounting the trauma.
It’s not about playing dualistic checkers, making one experience better than the other, or “positive higher and the lower negative”…
It’s about HONORING it all as valuable intelligence and data.
Trauma is only the unprocessed, unfelt, unconnected, undigested left over energy that was never experienced when you were 5, 17 or 44 years old.
Trauma only wants to be returned back to the light yet it must be allowed to choose love instead of hiding from love.
Love is what you are.
The universe operates as the law of ONE. It’s always about coming back home to oneness.
You can cultivate a more compassionate heart that knows itself, as the things you love don’t require your suffering, only your attention. So whatever “it” is, turn inward with gentleness…
Just realize that you may need to adjust your boundaries within your relationship with self as you adjust your boundaries with others.
For those abused, I’ll mention again that it’s NOT your job to heal yourself to the point where you’re no longer “triggered” by abusive behavior. A healthy person will always be triggered by unhealthy behavior.
It’s your job to soul retrieve and connect within (heal/remember) yourself to the point where you no longer engage, interact, crave, tolerate or even remotely choose being in the presence of abusing or being abused. This is compassion.
This is what your soul wants; what the Universe conspires for as it operates based on Oneness.
Honoring your triggers does not mean being obsessed with your shadow.
It doesn’t mean more “thinking” and ego. It doesn’t mean making up stories about your shadow with more labels and meanings.
This time is about Source; the wisdom of fully feeling and existing SAFE is every aspect of ourselves as the multi-dimensional kundalini we are!
It’s about feeling vulnerable, exposed and acutely present throughout this process of keeping your heart open if you want to rewire a new pattern and make a new choice …
You can drink your own medicine, receive what you need in new awareness, establish clear and healthy boundaries and create (receive, exist as) what your soul truly desires, even in the break down…
You can break through!
How can you keep our hearts open and compassionate and still establish clear and healthy boundaries?
You begin to know your own soul.
The more clear you are with yourself (outside of ego/ wounds) with your own authentic desires, the easier it is.
This is knowing your own soul, your values and your deepest truth.
This is also consciously choosing, love.
This Isn’t The Ego
The ego is usually programmed to want things from the place of the wound and is usually built as a coping mechanism. When unchecked, it’s desires come from trauma, and your soul always desires to heal the split, and become whole again.
Yet at the same time the ego will repress, reject, deny and disown whatever parts of you that made it “not okay” or not safe to be who you truly are.
So you stop being who you truly are, and start being a split part of yourself, always unknowingly searching to fill the void from parts of yourself that were once abused, disowned or rejected.
Whatever feelings, experiences, truths and desires that were deemed “unsafe” to exist, have been buried and forgotten inside yourself.
The thing is, the Universe works through oneness, so the wounds keep coming up until we integrate the wisdom, the bigger truth and GIFT as we unite with our shadow.
That’s why these disowned fragments of ourselves are the traumas that keep coming back to haunt us, unknowingly sabotaging the things our soul really wants, until we unify them.
This is especially true for relationships, and especially now during all this energy (4 planets in Scorpio opposing Uranus in Taurus at zero degrees, Mars Saturn square and Mercury in Scorpio going retrograde)!
For example, the desire “to go deeper” and for your soul to unify can unconsciously manifest as an outward projection of attraction to another who embodies these traits—or those same disowned parts you hide.
A deeper example, a woman who feels abandoned early in life may develop a very independent, ice-queen personality who can handle everything for themselves, because she sees the vulnerable, sensitive, soul she used to be as weak because of a certain trauma, so she disowns this part of herself.
Later in life, she may be attracted to a vulnerable type of guy and not understand why even though there’s obvious attraction.
What she doesn’t know, is her soul is looking to unify that missing part of her, and until she claims it and reintegrates it back into wholeness, her subconscious will search for it externally.
Until she find wholeness, she won’t choose her relationships from a place of love, only a place of ego and self interest.
So in other words, when she chooses her relationship from a place of the wound, she isn’t choosing HIM from a genuine, conscious love.
He is just serving a part of her that has been missing for quite some time. And since her reasons for being with him are completely selfish and not real, sustainable love (i.e. fixing a broken part of herself) the relationship withers away and dies.
And the cycle continues, until she chooses herself!
Which is why it’s so important to ask yourself, “Is this the voice of my wound telling me to go for this person, job or thing?
Or is it the voice of my soul?”
Am I attracted to this person, this place, or this situation because it’s good for me?
Or is it my ego trying to fill the void for my soul because I’m lonely?
We need to be aligned with the desires of our soul, not our ego. Ego desires come from wounds and trauma. Soul desires come from love and unity consciousness.
And since the soul is always looking to unify, you will always attract (and be attracted to) repressed areas of yourself until you do the inner work necessary to heal the split.
It’s also a way to see what real love and attraction is because whatever you don’t accept in yourself will show up as fate around you—so everything you are going through is simply a call to unite with your wounds into power!
Remember: Oneness and wholeness is the underlying truth of the Universe.
The Universe has no interest in you denying your needs and desires. It wants you to be conscious and aware of your needs and desires so you can align within.
That’s why the old traumas and cycles keep coming up.
These are pieces of our soul’s consciousness trying to return home.
This is why you want to know (not obsess with) your own shadow.
This is why you need to know what love truly and happiness really is outside of emotional fantasy and attachment.
Ie) If you fear being alone, then you need to cultivate a new way of accepting the love you are, even by CELEBRATING being alone.
There’s light and wisdom in everything, if you choose it.
Besides, until you’re happy and comfortable being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.
You want real love, right?
Your soul being wants real love and wholeness.
Your internal subconscious wants integrity, wholeness.
The Universe operates through oneness and wants you to recognize (abundance) what you already are.
This is what healing is. It’s not “fixing”… it’s recognizing what you already are and shining your light.
You only need to allow it, surrender the ego and bring it all back home.
Come Back Home To Soul
Even the trauma. Bring it back home.
All our old outdated coping mechanisms. Bring them into the light, honor the experience as a whole.
Trauma isn’t the bad guy, or some type of mysterious force that wants to punish you, make you earn it or reject you.
Trauma is only unmet, unacknowledged and undigested “life force” energy, wanting to be seen and recycled.
It’s all the unsaid words, unmet energy, unacknowledged space, unfelt hugs.
It’s all the hidden moments, tears, anger, loneliness and feelings we stuffed so that we could cope and not rock the boat.
It was never your fault that you weren’t taught how to safely feel all the sad or ugly or dark things moving through you without making it mean something you are not.
I am sorry that people judged you for feeling certain feelings and having certain kinds of ideas.
You are safe now to innocently feel what you need to feel as you bring warm light to all the painful, aching and lonely places inside you that need love, warmth, and curious attention.
There’s magic in the loving embrace of presence and fearless integrity wrapped in one!
To be seen, heard, held, felt and fully accepted for what’s real in this moment for you—even as you change, move and transform?
Yes again, honor the shadow as it presents a sacred moment of choice and unification over separation.
Choice is really your most powerful “manifesting tool” when it comes down to it.
That moment, inside your response, to that old trauma.
We exist in a field of infinite possibilities and every choice we make shuts down an infinite number of doors and opens an infinite number of doors.
At any point you can shift the story, the pattern and change the direction of our life.
All from the place of choice.
And just by choosing to let love in, even amongst the ugly truth.
Now, you can’t change what happened, but you can change how you live and love and operate your world and daily frequencies.
So honor the trigger.
The trigger is happening to give you a new choice.
But your natural, organic bodily response to something is not a choice, it’s part of the arisal of your soul from the subconscious realm, trying to make its way back home.
It’s a piece of you asking for intelligent witnessing, innocent feeling, curious holding and safe space.
Trust yourself and let love in.
The Trauma Is Not The Monster
No more beating yourself (or others) up for the old wounds, or for how they show up in your life now, no matter how disruptive it is.
If you have been feeling chaos and lost in disruptions, go within.
Retrieve what is and see the whole. Choose what you want to create.
There’s nothing to “fix” or figure out, it’s more about what do you choose to create? Let’s look at our trauma and the shadow from a whole new place, because trauma isn’t the monster we make it out to be.
Trauma can be the greatest gift of your life, as it also gives you the secret intel on slaying the same dragons that hold you captive.
Trauma isn’t a monster, it’s undigested life force energy that needs to be integrated and re-directed from love.
No. You are not dying or rotting inside.
You only need to let the heavy stuff fully wash away and dissolve as you create from its fertile decomposition.
It’s a choice and a gateway.
A choice to allow yourself to respond instead of repress. A gateway to grow instead of staying stuck.
The magic happens when you give permission to just shine ENOUGH as you are.
Instead of energetically attaching to a suffering response that says “it shouldn’t be that way,” what if you felt safe to feel, exist and still manifest what you want, just as you are?
That’s why it’s so important to master being neutral during triggers or breakdowns.
Being neutral isn’t numbing triggers. It’s being more aware of staying in the “space in between.”
It’s staying in the space where your feelings can flow freely throughout your body in a safe place, and your relationships can evolve into who each own soul uniquely is from a deeper place.
Allow yourself to feel safe through the change.
Stop making the process of feeling safe when old trauma comes up “wrong” … the trigger is not wrong, the anger is trying to tell you something.
What is the ego screaming and what is ready to dissolve?
And what is your authentic voice speaking your clarity forth?
Honor your authentic voice and trust.
Don’t get pulled into the “wounded voice” of your ego, and be motivated by masked desires or unconscious emotional behaviors that don’t allow a clear, true “soul level” voice to speak.
Your soul knows what you authentically want, not from a place of masked overlays, control and fear—but from a place of truth, love, presence and expansion.
If you unconsciously have desires and don’t know why you have them, maybe it’s because you repress the ones that led to feeling/being unsafe or feeling judged or rejected at one time.
Yet the thing is, we keep attracting outside of us what is missing consciously inside of us —our unconscious and disowned parts are attracted to what we see in others.
This is why we end up is co dependent patterns until we wake up our own awareness to match our authentic “soul voice” desires.
Because are we truly loving others as they are?
Or are attracted to loving them because of our own disowned parts?
This is the difference between ego love and REAL love that knows itself and meets embodied love, in the middle.
When you know your own shadow, you can consciously CHOOSE love from a real genuine place and BE the change.
You can consciously choose being real love.
Who Would You Be?
Who are you when you are enough, wearing perfect shoes that are just right for you?
Who are you when you fully embody your power?
Who are you when you don’t have to try hard?
Who are you without your masks and roles and identities—that you have taken on from others?
Who are you when you stop pretending?
Who are you when you are not playing or keeping yourself small?
How do you show up without your self doubts, fear of judgments and people pleasing?
Who are you when you are burning freely unapologetically being yourself?
When you stop trying to protect, defend or use your unworthiness as a way to poison the well because you don’t believe in yourself?
When you stop turning gold into dust because you don’t feel worthy of holding it, needing it or desiring what it is you truly want?
Who would you be when you are not pretending, playing or keeping yourself small?
Who are you when your self doubts are NOT keeping you poor —when fear of judgement is no longer keeping you stuck and sick?
Who are you outside of the self judgements, the masks, pretenses and all the ways you hold ourselves back?
Who are you when you get out of your own way and let the Universe play?
You can let yourself shine and play with the unknown.
You can stop searching ways and “evidence” that you are not enough, that you are not the gift…that you are not the source.
You can stop making others the monster or enemy as you apply new wisdom.
You are free to lose the title of broken, wounded or abandoned.
Power and belonging inside you is waiting for you to claim it. Nurture your sacral and root chakra and allow yourself to receive gifts in physical form.
You can embody the truth and be the gift.
You can shine and trust what you already know.
You can allow yourself to feel how infinite, loving, wanted, loved and powerfully precious you truly are.
This is a time of burning out playing out all that isn’t purely real; burning the last remnants of what you no longer need.
Trust your own light and walk through the fire of your own inner authority.
No more digging for ‘reasons’ and ‘evidence’ on why you’re not sexy, smart, spiritual, healthy, good, beautiful, amazing or special enough just as you are!
Others leave or stop showing up for you because you (on a soul level) are ready for more.
You are ready for love. Real love. Soul based love, beginning within…
So, no more stories.
Take the throne dear Queen, dear King.
Are you willing to embody your own self love?
You ARE Self Love
You have to know how dope you are even when no one sees and give yourself PERMISSION to shine!
You have to forgive yourself and others for hurting you (even when no one apologizes to you) so you can free your own energy system, life and move forward!
Only YOU can wake yourself up from being asleep to your own magic, so are you willing to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY and let the Universe play?
In other words, the only limits that exist are the ones you set up against yourself…
You don’t create peace; peace is what you naturally ARE when restlessness leaves.
You don’t seek love; love is what you are when you shine freely (and begin “unf*cking yourself” from the ego’s sea of opinions)!
Love is what you are which means you start at abundance and only add limitation.
Meaning, you are love and LOVE JUST IS.
Love or abundance doesn’t rise from force.
Love can’t be grasped, controlled or attained—love can only be “opened as” and experienced into.
And the only way to experience Love is to surrender into this very moment.
Love is presently dwelling in every moment that you are “open” and overflows when you let your light shine, surrender the ego and allow yourself to trust.
Love rushes through your heart like a wild river, breaking through the thorny brush and rigid dam encased around your vulnerabilities, cleansing all the memories that inhibit your freedom of flow!
Love just is. Love is not what seek or get, love is what you are and can choose.
Love is you existing.
You existing as your most NATURAL, effortless state of being as you dwell in the present now.
Love isn’t insisting that others be a certain way in order for you to feel more of the way you wish to feel.
Love isn’t about finding more “manipulationships” to control, nope!
Love is fully loving others just as they are, without benefit to you.
Love is you fully being you, regardless of outcome or attachment or affection or benefit or anything outside you.
Even in the breakdown and breakthrough.
Even in the vulnerable times, being real and true. This is where your power lives and has never left!
Until you see the truth is in your own mind and body, you are liable to blame the external.
Be who you fully authentically are, own your desires, express what you’ve felt and create what you want!
Take the Leap!
Yes, the energy lately has been an intense “unavoidable” yet potent transforming time.
The vibes in the air are feeling different and it’s time to discern what and who feels like the right energy to stay into your life.
Are you willing to be fully honest with yourself?
Are you willing to forgive yourself as new ways are being shown to you?
It’s time to be 100% honest with yourself as you jump off the cliff and fly through your transformation.
Can you let your natural light shine?
Are you willing to let in new understanding of the old and choose love?
Instead of letting yourself spoil, are you willing to breath honey into the moment?
Are you willing to “let in the love” instead of letting the old ways and fears tear it all apart?
So many old timelines are collapsing right now and all of what you no longer need.
What you must cut out so that you can SHOW UP.
So is about BEING your own biggest healer and cheerleader like we’ve been saying all year!
This is about walking through the fire of your own self permission, truth and inner authority.
This is choice.
This is about YOU, choosing love.
This is about letting GOD and SOURCE in as you take biggest steps toward embodying your full worth.
Remember you are love —you don’t seek love.
You know peace not by rearranging outside life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.
Who you are is Source, so recognize the Source in you.
It’s not about matching energy. Is about knowing your own authentic core and maintaining your own energy so that you attract what aligns, from within.
It’s about being honest with what it—even the feelings, just as they are.
It’s All About The Small Moments
The answers you seek are not outside of you.
The biggest mind blowing answers are not necessarily big or grand. They are in the small moments your heart and soul crave, that can be so easy for the “mind” to skip over.
Slow down and get connected to want truly matters.
The pure and simple truths of who you are. Your purpose and soul’s plan present themselves to you every day.
It’s not really about the BIG moments when it comes to genuine transformation. It’s about the small stuff that happens when we are busy making other plans.
The “small is in the whole” meaning how we do one thing is connected to how we do all things.
When you focus on the small, the bigger things seem to take care of themselves.
And the more you love the faster it happens because the things you love don’t require your suffering, only your attention. While you are pondering your path and how to step into the fullness of your being, start with the smaller things first.
Honor feeling safe in your body, even in uncertainty. Love yourself and eat well. Choose love.
Know what makes you feel alive and energized and decide what you want from here.
Start with the everyday things, the things you spend the most time doing, and see how that helps to slowly transform your world from the inside out.
It’s time for you to recharge your soul and align with your deepest truths and desires.
When YOU (the Universe) puts you in a place that feels like a dead end, it’s because you are ready to grow past your current limits and into a greater version of you.
You have been awoken to new truths, new life purposes and directions lately and it’s time to get more aligned with your life mission!
When you align with your soul’s purpose, everything will start to flow with ease.
Release any doubts that don’t serve your manifestation because it’s time for you to expand past what you knew was possible.
Stepping outside the box is going to feel uncomfortable yet so FREEING as you leap toward the life you’ve been waiting for.
And when you step outside the box, people will question you—obstacles will face you, but these are all sacred invitations to walk towards your own truth, so what you love, courageously enter the unknown and carry on, in your own lane and in your own frequency, knowing yourself.
Facing the truth means facing yourself, even as you experience death and being reborn.
Just know love is teaching you, opening you up and guiding you when you choose to listen to your souls “bigger picture” voice.
Will you accept your inner calling and take the leap?
Will you make the request and choose what fulfills your soul and being on a deeper level?
Will you choose to see yourself as the choice, the gift, the King, the Queen?
Will you include yourself from the get go and believe you are worthy of manifesting it?
Because every time you trust, your imagination and being and actions has turned it to reality.
It’s not by accident.
Please let your light shine and see yourself as the Universe sees you: powerful, valuable, worthy, magnetic and lovable all the way through!
You are allowed to give yourself permission and make magic happen!